The University of Miami Renamed “UMM…” After Devastating Loss to FSU

It seems yet again the University of Miami just falls short of Florida State University in every way except tuition. Not only did Norvell wrestle a dub for the ‘Noles, breaking the four-year football rivalry dry spell, but Coach Ham also hammered the last nail on the coffin for the orange and green ibises. After the Hurricanes’ ninth straight loss against #FSUHoops, it’s now time for UM to rebrand. Inside sources from the Hurricane Club mention talks of adding an extra ‘M’ after last Saturday’s crowd could be heard chanting, “UMM what the hell am I paying for?”

“It’s just embarrassing. Yeah, FSU dominated the first half, but we should have made a comeback. We were supposed to bring the storm, but I guess they brought the cold to Miami. Larrañaga needs to get it together unless he wants to end up like Manny Diaz,” lamented Mike Davis, a board member of the Hurricane Club despite being an FIU alumnus. “Football and basketball are in the drain; what even is our claim to fame? Ridiculously expensive private tuition that tied in college rankings with a public one? It’s only fun to be a UM fan when we are winning. So to make everyone miserable, we proposed to rebrand as UMM until further notice.”

“Canes? More like cannots, am I right? Well, that sounded better in my head. But regardless, Miami fans have been real quiet since that game. I honestly didn’t believe it either, but FSU really held on,” said Trent White, an FSU sophomore that tuned into the game only because it happened to be streaming at Pots. “If FSU is good at something, it’s having a massive lead and then barely winning but hey, a win’s still a win.”

After beating Duke and Miami, the energy back in Tallahassee is electric. Last Saturday catapulted FSU to the top of the ACC, and we can only hope the ‘Noles can keep the pace. Despite a rocky start to the season, the #NewBloods are definitely proving they have what it takes to solidify FSU as a basketball school. Maybe, after all, the ‘Noles can crawl their way back up to the best university in the Sunshine State. Or until we lose to another nobody school.