Mom and Pops to Close Indefinitely After Mom Found Pops With That Skank Bitch Denise Again

Mom and Pops have run a well-respected establishment at Florida State for over 25 years. Together, the parental duo have been feeding weenies to hungry Noles all over campus in their three surprisingly convenient locations. They have always greeted students with a smile and a jumbo hot dog with the girth of a can of soup, but they will be shutting down operations this semester after rumors of adultery have been plaguing the already diseased streets of Tallahassee. Unfortunately, Pops has been more generous with his weenies than Mom. The Father of Franks has been seen committing heinous adulterous acts with several Tallahassee women for weeks now but the last straw has been drawn after Mom caught Pops in the act last week.

“I wept for days,” began Mother. “We have been married for 45 years, in love for 50. I never thought he would destroy our marriage for some skank bitch in Tallahassee.” The titular pair have two children together, the eldest of which was the first to catch her father in the act. ‘Daughter’ stated, “I first saw him with that woman a couple of months ago, but she was like really old.She looked more like his mother than my mother. Plus, I could only see for a second but I think she was, like, hurting him? Like beating the shit out of him? I don't really know what that's called and I think I’ll have a panic attack if I look it up.” After discovering her father is indeed a Gerontophilic masochist, she concluded, “Well, I guess the good news is I think I get two Christmases now.”

To everyone's dismay, the campus power couple will be shutting down the business to spend more time focusing on family matters and hopefully mending this entanglement. The Hot Dog King of Tallahassee himself decided to comment on the affair. “I have no such intentions of fixing this marriage,” Pops stated. “At the start of this business, I begged her to call the establishment Pop and his Mamas, but she refused to understand because she's a stubborn old hag. She's like her mother in that way…and my mother. But honestly, she wouldn't let me take the reins of my own company? Do you think it was her genius idea to make an affordable hot dog stand in the middle of this one college campus? I am the father, the supreme commander of that stand and let me tell you, it has no god-forsaken mother. I am humiliated every single day I set foot in that hellscape of a reconstructed porta-potty, it's easy getting beat by a thousand old women but it's a fucking chore pretending to love a selfish one. She left me with no choice and frankly I would rather rule over the screaming pits of hell forever than live one day as a servant of heaven.”

Beginning in March, the children of the broken marriage are taking over the family business and turning it into a fast-casual “build-your-own” style modern eatery where you get to choose whether you want a hot dog or a hot dog with chips and a drink. Very innovative. Be sure to check out “Daughter and Son’s” opening later this semester. In the meantime, you can catch Beginning in March, the children of the broken marriage are taking over the family business and turning it into a fast-casual “build-your-own” style modern eatery where you get to choose whether you want a hot dog or a hot dog with chips and a drink. Very innovative. In the meantime, you can catch Mom, Pop, and Denise working out their relationship with Jada and Willow at the red table on Red Table Talk premiering every Wednesday at 5 on Facebook Watch.