Top 10 Spookiest Things of All Time
It’s the Halloween season and that can only mean one thing for The Eggplant’s loyal fanbase; another “Top 10” list! We usually trick you all year, so this article is a special treat from us to you. Today, we’ll be counting down some of the scariest and most haunting things known to humanity. If you feel like we missed anything in this list, please feel free to write us an email that we will ignore. Without further ado, these are the Top 10 Spookiest Things of All Time.
10. The Dark - Starting today’s list off strong in the number 10 spot is none other than The Dark. It’s less about the darkness itself and more about what could be lurking in it. What’s out there? Monsters? Serial killers? A long-distance relationship? You don’t want to find out and neither do we. Thank God for night lights.
9. Five Nights at Freddy’s VR - Oh, you think FNAF is scary? Try it in virtual reality and get back to us. You’d think Chica would be hot in VR, but nope! She’s terrifying! They won’t even let you kiss the animatronics! The game doesn’t give you the option to compliment the way they look, either. That’s not even the worst part though – there’s no way to take pictures of the animatronics when they’re looking all fine. It’s also super scary.
8. Anti-Smoking Advertisements - It was only a matter of time before Anti-Smoking Ads showed up on this list. Perhaps the only anti-substance ads that ever worked on us as kids, these commercials struck fear into the hearts of every American child growing up in the 2010s. One second you’re watching Ben 10, and the next you’re flushing daddy’s cigarettes down the toilet.
7. The “We need to talk…” Text - Our seventh pick on this list is known all too well by the students of Florida State. Like a horseman of the apocalypse, the “we need to talk…” text serves as a warning that the end is near. The uncertainty that follows is nothing short of bone-chilling, which is why it deserves its place on our list. (Honorable mentions are given to the texts “What are we?” and “I’m fine.”).
6. When You’re in Line at the Grocery Store and Your Mom Has to Go Back for an Item She Forgot - This is an infamous classic. There’s not much worse than going to the store with your mother, but things get straight-up petrifying when she leaves you alone in the checkout line. If the cashier rings up all your items before she returns, they would have no choice but to have you incarcerated for life. What’s scarier than a life behind bars for grocery-related crimes? Probably the rest of the list.
5. Change - Damn.
4. My Recurring Nightmare - Okay, so it’s like I’m in an episode of American Ninja Warrior but instead of the usual obstacle course, it’s some kind of big trash compactor place. It’s kind of like the droid factory from Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones, but way scarier. Basically, I’m going through the course/factory and there are spectators and commentators and stuff and the course never ends and I keep almost dying and it’s so scary. Easily the 4th place pick.
3. The Joe Rogan Experience - Just barely taking the bronze is the Joe Rogan Experience. It fills us with fear not being able to predict the words coming out of that man’s mouth at any given time, let alone his guests’. His continued success and mountains of content have tortured the minds of the public for nearly fifteen years, and there’s no sign he’ll be stopping anytime soon. Here at The Eggplant, we get shivers just thinking about him and his all-elk-meat diet.
2. Ghosts - Not to be confused with ghouls (they’re completely different), ghosts take the penultimate spot on the spooky list. Once productive members of society, these deceased “people” laze around unemployed because of their so-called unfinished business. If you ask us, it sounds like these deadbeats are just looking for a free ride. What this could mean for the economy is the scariest thing of all.
1. Shel Silverstein’s Picture on the Back of The Giving Tree - It was obvious, wasn’t it? This one picture of Shel Silverstein is the most horrifying thing a human being can witness with their own eyes, especially during the developmental years of childhood. His cold stare and massive teeth are like something out of a Stephen King novel. An image speaks a thousand words, and that shit is a novel. Nothing human has ever looked like that. Legend has it, the ghost (not a ghoul, obviously) of Shel Silverstein’s photo still haunts the children’s section of bookstores everywhere.