Revealed: Sorority Girl Who Posted Black Square on Instagram in June Never Registered To Vote
It was June 2nd, 2020; the day when everyone online came together for a single purpose to spread awareness about ongoing injustice and national civil unrest. The plan was simple: take a tense moment in civil history, an opportunity to open a conversation about a systemic racial issue in our country, and then make it all about how woke white people are. Anyone ignorant of the situation would go online that day to find their feed filled with nothing but black squares with #blackouttuesday or #blacklivesmatter as the caption and know exactly how to help relieve themselves of any feelings of white guilt they had been experiencing. Five months later, most black squares are mysteriously gone, and when it’s finally time for our voices as citizens to matter, some of the wokest among us are nowhere to be found.
“It turns out it was all talk and no action,” said a prevalent young activist who would only identify themselves as Antifa, whatever that means. “It was a very distracting act of performative activism that was very destructive to our cause overall. I hoped that it would at least get some of the politically ignorant sorority girls to actually do something with their privilege when the time came. Shockingly, I bring you a list of names of woke greek lifers and general porcelain folk who posted one of those black squares but never registered to vote. Do with the information what you must.”
“You saw the square. I did my part. I’m even raising money to stand at Dance Marathon. Register for what? Oh, I’ve just been so busy these last couple of months that it completely slipped my mind,” said Jessica Stone as she open-mouth-kissed her sorority sisters as they returned from a long hard day of being aloof and complacent. “I mean, there’s been that global panhellenic thing going on for like forever now. Why would I want to leave the house if I’m supposed to wear a dumb mask that covers the uber-expensive nose job my dad got me for my 20th birthday? At least, unlike some other sisters I know, my black square is still up on my Instagram, even though it totally messes with the aesthetic of my feed. And for the icing on the cake, no one even told me I had to register before voting? The only register I know of is the one where I swipe my financial sector dad’s metal AmEx, so I don’t know how that’s my fault.”
Unfortunately, Jessica is not alone in her ignorance. She is but one example of many who fail to turn their talk into any action. In the end, it could be better that Jessica and those like her sit this one out. It’s likely that if she had registered, she would go to vote only to get anxious and Christmas tree her ballot, as many of us do with all the tests we take where Quizlet fails us. Then again, maybe give her the benefit of the doubt; being in greek life during a pandemic and watching all your friends get sick for not following simple guidelines can be extremely difficult.