Republicans Decide First Amendment Rights Don't Count When They Don't Get Their Way

When it comes to wearing masks or having socially irresponsible house parties, our GOP peers are all about the freedom to choose. But when concocting far-fetched conspiracy theories about government microchips and private email accounts, it's freedom of speech. For a party platform that believes the Constitution is the enduring covenant but pushes, Amy, "What else am I missing?" Barrett, as a pillar of the law, we can’t help but question how important First Amendment rights are to the group.

"I swear, not only are these mini GOP soldiers super painful to deal with, but they also have no backbone. For a party that touts American Exceptionalism and strength, they start crying about morality the second AOC speaks," remarked Katie Thompson, a senior studying Political Science and avid BTS Twitter stan. "The other day, I made a TikTok about how conservatives are the weakest link, and the video got removed for 'violating community guidelines.' Like, grow up already. I swear, Fox News has dragged people for worse, and yet they still have a platform. If they’re allowed to bully, then I should be too!”

"I believe in the full force of the law. However, the minute something goes south for me, I just ignore it. Like, the First Amendment doesn't extend to communists--my Dad said so--and he's a lawyer at Farah & Farah," stated Jake Dennis, a self-proclaimed Super Patriot and resident incel. "These snowflakes don't understand anything about the Bill of Rights. The pocket Constitution I got when I went to CPAC even says that these are inalienable rights--unless it doesn’t go our way, then it’s just a conspiracy. Just like the damn election.”

 For the GOP, getting clowned by a bunch of Gen-Zers on Twitter has become commonplace, especially during the year of 2020. While filtering through Karl Marx fancams and videos of Nicki Minaj being unintentionally hilarious, online republicans should take a moment to acknowledge that just because something doesn’t go your way, doesn’t mean you can pick and choose how that affects you. As a reminder, Freedom of Speech exists, but it will not protect you from the repercussion of your actions. It’s all fun and games until someone gets doxxed or their acceptance letters revoked. But let’s be honest, they would’ve hated Berkeley anyway.