Eggplant Horoscopes December 2020

It may not be a marshmallow world in the city, but there is a dangerous amount of pollen and dab smoke in the Tallahassee air. That’s right, folks--it’s the most wonderful time of the year! With the semester rapidly coming to a close and the Holidays creeping up right behind, your trusted astrological team here at The Eggplant have provided a comprehensive guide to tackle the 2020 finale in nothing but style. 

Aries: Take a second, Aries, and appreciate all of the progress you’ve made this year. Yes, the year is almost over! That doesn’t mean all of your problems go away (like that cold you just got, uck) but it is worth celebrating. The stars tell us that this month bodes well for you in terms of completion. Do with that what you will. 

Taurus: Dear Taurus, just because it’s the holidays doesn’t mean you are any lonelier than you were before. We know Hallmark may make you think otherwise but you’ll be just fine. Take the time to do what you do best and treat yourself, whether that be to a Starbucks run or a couple extra “walks” in the cool Florida weather is up to you.

Gemini: December is upon us, Gem! We know things have been hard, but try to find comfort in your friends and family this holiday season. Yes, they’re a little bit off-kilter during the Christmas Eve game of Quiplash, but who isn’t? Now is also a good time to practice forgiveness by giving your ex back some of the things they didn’t realize they left at your house. Like their Spanx. Please give them back their Spanx. 

Cancer: Aw, cutie pie Cancer. Please stop spending so much money on your friends’ holiday gifts. They’re not going to cry as hard as you when they open them and you’ll be disappointed just like last year. Turn off the Phoebe Bridgers and get some extra rest this month. 

Leo: Roar, Leo, Roar! This holiday season, take some time to let other people have the spotlight. We know you love being the center of attention, but try to let the youngins in the family enjoy their gifts from Santa on Facetime without showing them your new knock-off Rolex. 

Virgo: This is not the Disney itinerary, babe! You can sit down and relax. Of course, it incites rage within you when no one is awake at 9 AM sharp (like you told them to be) on Christmas morning, but that doesn’t mean the holiday is ruined. Put down the calendar and do something a lil spontaneous for you, like wearing mismatched socks or something. 

Libra: Oh sweet, Libra. You’re probably on your third Yerba Mate, please put her down and drink a glass of water. Trust us, your kidneys will appreciate you. It might be tempting to console your STEM friends while they’re having their eighth mental breakdown of the day but for the sake of you, ignore them, love.

Scorpio: Happy Holidays, Scorpio! We know you’re the queen of holding grudges, so try not to lose your cool when your Dad ‘forgets’ to get you a Christmas gift for the third year in a row. The holiday season is all about family, love, forgiveness, and realizing that men are fucking idiots and not worth being upset over. 

Sagittarius: Babe, if you don’t stop sitting around eating chips and start manifesting that big THING you want then December is going to pass you by like a souped-up Corolla on I-10. We don’t know what to tell you. Put on your big pants and your little shirt and go get what you want. You have our permission: full send. 

Capricorn: We are begging you to sleep. Your Spotify friend activity page is popping in the late hours of the night, but we promise that it will still be there in the morning. If you’re going to stay up late, at least use that time to be sexy in the candlelight of your room. Your clean room. It’s clean, right?

Aquarius: Much like the Grinch, your heart is growing, Aquarius. All you need to do is show that to the people around you. They don’t know you love them unless you do that, but knowing you it’s probably better that you stop tiptoeing around the fact and just say it straight up. This applies to everyone, but especially your mom. Tell your mom you love her. 

Pisces: It might be cold out dear fish, but don’t let that thick layer of ice separate you from being admired. Put in a little more effort and migrate to some tropical waters. It’s always time to let your rainbow scales shine! If this means organizing a roommate photoshoot for Instagram, so be it. Now that blush on your nose finally fits the season!