Taco Bell Claims to Support LGBT+ Community Despite Removing Potatoes From Menu
In more recent news, a fast-food company specializing in “Mexican” food decided to make some cuts to their menu. Many know Taco Bell is a staple of any young, impressionable student’s diet, yet few recognize the target audience of Taco Bell’s potato-based food items--the LGBT+ community. Scientists have spent restless hours attempting to theorize why cheesy fiesta potatoes and non-heterosexuals seem to go hand-in-hand, but all results have proven inconclusive thus far.
“When I first heard the news, I was shocked. The removal of potatoes from the menu is something that felt so personal to me and my peers,” commented Alex Denvers, a local student and proud ally. As he spoke, he dabbed his tears with crumbled Taco Bell napkins most likely collected from the filthy floor of his Honda civic. “I just don’t understand what I’m supposed to eat. What can vegans eat? The vegan community and LGBT+ community are basically synonymous at this point.”
“I guess some good came out of this. While all my friends went through the grieving process, a few seemed unbothered by this menu change. That was a real eye-opener; I had a great time weeding out fake friends from there on,” stated Moon Smith, an avid Taco Bell user. Smith thrived best in the restaurant àla 2 A.M., usually seeking solace in a potato crunch wrap following late homework and sticky-floored clubs. “Whenever my friends and I entered the restaurant, workers would spit in our food, but I’d still consider this a safe space, as they spit in everyone’s food equally. However, I draw the line at potato erasure.”
Overall, this could be considered a good thing for the company. Firstly, the noise pollution caused by the overwhelming number of squeaking Doc Martens previously in the establishment has hit an all-time low. In addition to this, Girl In Red and Kim Petras are rarely heard blasting from cars in the drive-through. While some may appreciate this, the age old question of why potatoes were removed still haunts blue-haired individuals nationwide. Potatoes aren’t particularly scarce nor hard to prepare, so there is only one possible motive: Taco Bell did this intentionally as a hate crime.