ABBA Coming Back Somehow Flew Under the Radar

Mamma Mia! One of the greatest bands and pioneers of pop music announces a reunion and we, supposed ABBA fanatics, pretend like nothing is happening. ABBA, one of the best pop groups in human history, graces us with a promise to deliver more bangers to sing along to while we’re blackout drunk and we blow them off. This was the band that said to us “if you need me, let me know, gonna be around” and that “they’ll still be free.” They were ready to be there for us but we could not so much as begin to take a chance on them. What more could we have asked?

“Shame does not begin to describe the feelings I have right now. I have to take them off my Spotify playlist,” explained alleged Mama Mia movie advocate Lenny Andersson. “I know I’m not seventeen or young and sweet anymore but I need to give that year of my life back to them. I don’t deserve their music anymore. We should have celebrated properly. There should have been flash mobs and a dude playing piano on a boat. I’m not sure how he got that boat there or how the little canoe stays afloat but whatever. We should have rallied everyone and all ran to a dock or something. Maybe, we could have pushed each other into the water while we laughed with glee. I don’t know. That was such a fun scene…”

“I have to be honest. I am more of a Queen fan but this is still pretty amazing news.” admitted passerby Rob Taylor even though no one asked him. He just started talking. “Even after forty years, you would think one of the most iconic bands in history returning would make more of a splash. It’s older music, sure, but I think all of ABBA’s hits are timeless. Kanye Fucking West’s Donda was on the news more. It astounds me. Yeah, a global pandemic compounded by our country steadily teetering closer to civil war might have been a bit of a distraction but wow. I’m flabbergasted. I’m blinded by the Super Trouper beams or whatever.”

While true ABBA believers storm newsrooms across the country, people around the world are now atoning for their Swedish pop sins. Everyday people around the world watch Mamma Mia to cope with their sad little lives and yet when Abba needed us most, the feeds were empty. ABBA took a chance on us. Now it’s time to return the favor.