Good For Her: Woman Goes to the Gym the First Week of January
Out of the ruins of 2021, a new hope has risen and passed itself towards the most enlightened students of Florida State University. People have become the personification of change. They throw away the nic stick, and trade it in with the occasional drunk ciggie. They stop calling women “females” and start calling them “bitches.” They give up on the constraints of fashion aesthetics and start walking out the door naked. Even more exciting, some people have started going to the gym again.
Nothing is more slay than a woman who wakes up at 7am to go to the gym everyday. Former self-proclaimed “party girl,” and Florida State University student, Steph, gave a run down on her new routine. “Before I even start my workout I have to put on my music.” She pointed to her phone to show the Spotify playlist she queued, entitled “Revenge Body.” The playlist consists of “212” by Azealia Banks copied and pasted over and over again. She then took out a credit card and began separating pre-workout powder into lines on a treadmill, and let the machine drag the substance into her nose. A creative yet efficient method in getting her body prepared for the exercise that will commence. While bench pressing 200 pounds of weights with one hand, Steph continues, “I’ve only been to the gym for five days since leaving the toxicity of 2021, but I’m feeling happier and healthier than ever before.” She would later admit to injecting the tampon dispensaries inside the Leach bathrooms with steroids.
According to Steph, she did this in order to enhance the physical power of cis women to compete with the biological advantages of cis men. Steph will also let you know that she’s a major adrenaline junky. “Focusing on my own betterment by hitting the gym has proven a healthier way to cope than explaining my 2021 problems to a therapist.” She tied her hair into a knot and began to shadow box a dummy with a picture of Jeff Bazos’ face pasted onto it. Good for her! She doesn’t have the capabilities to overcome certain socio-economic problems, but the gym is a start. Everything starts at the gym. Students have become change personified. Especially the women, because a good amount of them unknowingly boofed steroids in the Leach bathrooms.
Everyone looking to transform themselves and society have found their homage working out alongside like minded individuals like Steph. The atmosphere is open, and welcoming to anyone looking for something new this year. It’s only the first month of 2022 but you can’t help but think, “good for them.”