The New Viral Halloween Candy Trend, Edible Razor Blades, Is Taking Over
Halloween can mean a variety of things. Maybe it means you get to dress as minimally clothed as possible. Maybe it’s an excuse to black out. Maybe it’s both of those things (we don’t judge). If you’re a college student, however, it’s possible that you’ve forgotten the true meaning of Halloween, which is eating an obscenely unhealthy amount of candy, feeling fat as fuck, and chasing it with a shame spiral. Many Americans, especially the youth, still hold this sentiment. A new candy company set on making a viral candy that capitalizes on brain rot has finally caught fire across the country and is on its way to Tallahassee. Your crazy mom might’ve made you check candy for razor blades in the past, but now you should be checking for a sweet surprise!
Surprisingly, and definitely unrelated, razor blade injuries across the nation have spiked in prevalence. Researchers have not yet determined if kids are just stupid, tried eating their dad’s razor, or if there’s a syndicate of evil putting blades in Snickers bars. We reached out to a spokesperson for the viral gummy brand, Scaribo Gummy, to ask how they came up with the genius idea. “My bitch mom always used to make me check every piece of candy for razor blades, so I wanted to shove some irony in her face,” said Mr. Jack Orenthal Lantern. “You won’t find real razor blades in our candy, wink wink,” he added. It was very confusing why he said ‘wink wink’ out loud, but he became visibly nervous afterward. Boys are especially excited about these candies because of how grown up they make them feel. Next year the company says they plan on making edible shaving cream.
The gummy blade is taking many shapes, ripping off different candy brands like Reese’s cups with a surprise inside instead. Expect your professors to hand them out in a desperate attempt to stay relevant and “hip with the times.” An English professor, known for flamboyance and giving out candy during the Halloween Season, commented, “I bought these blades because I want my students to think I’m lit and have totally skibidi rizz.” We have no idea what she meant by that, but we get the idea that she doesn’t either. “I’m definitely not having a mid-life crisis. I’m still young!” Even though that teacher is undoubtedly having a mid-life crisis, we’re sure she won’t cause harm. That really old man teaching that big lecture might have gotten confused though, so watch out for the gross-ass candy corn that they always have for some reason.
Razor blade deaths and copyright issues aside, these gummies are really tasty and kids of all ages can’t get enough. Whether you’re trick-or-treating this year or just doing lines of coke in an ironic Pulp Fiction couple’s costume, you might want to hop on the trend and enjoy these treats for a limited time. Just don’t be surprised if you leave these out at your doorstep and the bowl gets raided, because that happens regardless. Nothing screams Halloween more than gluttony and fetishizing violence, the perfect intersection.