Die Hard, Batman Returns, and Other Movies Your Dad Will Harass the Family Into Watching on Christmas Day
Everyone knows a person that will live, breath and die by the stance that “Die Hard” is a Christmas movie and should be respected as such. Maybe they think it’s a hot ‘new’ take or maybe they just wanna piss people off, but regardless, no one respects this person. Unfortunately for many people, the same person that insists “The Irishman” is the perfect movie to watch after opening presents also happens to be one of their live-givers: obviously, their dad.
“You can get away with watching just about anything for the holidays as long as you focus on the fact that it’s set on Christmas! Lethal Weapon? Christmas movie. Rocky IV? Christmas movie. All the other dads wish they could be as sick and nasty as the Trevor fam on Christmas Day at 11 a.m.,” said Charlie Trevor, father of second-year FSU student Sophie Trevor, who then spent the next several minutes showing off pics of his man cave with a full bar and foosball table. “I respect my wife and my daughters' opinions, but sometimes you just gotta watch Bruce Willis swinging from Nakatomi Plaza to really feel like a man.”
“I actually proposed this rule when I wanted to watch “Love Actually” a few years ago, but now he’s playing with some chestnut roastin’ fire. All he’s accomplishing is confirming how badly he wants to gawk at Michael Keaton’s plastic abs. ‘But “Iron Man 3” is a staple of American culture!’ Ah hur dur, we get it; you just don’t want to get caught crying again during Jack Frost,” commented Sophie Trevor, who was, at the time of this interview, damn tired of her dad’s antics and just needs him to stop. “He thinks he’s all ‘with it,’ but this is the same guy who emails himself the jokes he read off of his daily planner. I love my dad, but why do we have to celebrate the birth of Christ by watching a movie where at least three ‘wise-guys’ get beaten to death?”
Arguing over gifts, food and most importantly what movie to watch while in a Christmas Day food coma continues to unite millions of families holidays. Remember that this is the season of giving, so if your old man wants nothing more than to snuggle up with his offspring and watch some guys get blown up, so be it. At least Dad finally stops unironically listening to the Alvin and the Chipmunks Christmas song once he gets to pop on his favorite flick. If that’s not a Christmas miracle, we don’t know what is.