Ex Somehow More Involved in Your Life Now Than They Were Last Semester

It’s difficult to think back on what life was like while you two were together⁠ - a whopping 3.5 weeks ago. You were practically inseparable, but now you would never be caught dead within the same time zone as your ex. Thinking back, you don’t know how you went from sharing an all-important Dunkin iced coffee in the morning to gagging if someone even mentions his name, Charles, around you. Your tears have somehow stained all your blankets and pillows. Your family’s bullshit somehow distracted you through the holidays but walking into your 9:30 Artistic Study Seminar (ASS) and seeing his stupid, perfect face was not how you envisioned the new year. New year, new you and all that jazz, but are you kidding?

“You know, I took this class because I was really interested in art appraisal. I just feel this connection to the study and the plight of the critical public,” said your stupid idiot ex, Charles, who, as you may recall, only referred to ‘art’ that one time he made you watch the “Transformers: Age of Extinction.” “I have so many pieces that I want to examine and so many arts to study this semester. One I really hope we cover is “You Were A Bitch and I Hate You But What if We Got Back Together Please Can We Get Back Together” by Picasso Digoirno or even “I Miss the Sex More Than I Miss You But I’m Thinking ‘bout You Boo” by Vincent Van Gogurt.”

“It’s true, I really love Charles for his amazing personality and not for the mediocre sex that we have and can’t believe how lucky I was to get a class with my new boyfriend!” said Charles’ new girlfriend, Amanda, who is (in your objective opinion) not even that pretty. “This whole situation was magical honestly. Charles suddenly texted me late one night and demanded I take ASS with him. I don’t question him of course. I believe that true love is full of unsaid words. That’s why Charles and I never speak and barely knew each other prior to getting together. I mean, besides the hookups we were having before being official. I still wonder what he meant when he used to say he had to ‘make an appearance and feign interest in someone’ before we would hook up.”

While this situation is decidedly worse than being mauled by a bear, the past can’t discourage you forever. You have always been a bad bitch! Sure, Charles and Amanda might be making out in the middle of your seminar to make a point. And yes, he will somehow find a way to talk about his “crazy ex” within earshot of you every single class. You’ll want to leap across the room and break his legs with the five iron that he weirdly got you for Christmas last year, but are you going to let his actions destroy your year? Yeah, probably, but you’ll probably live. Probably.