Masked Halloween Costumes That Still Show Hole
It’s officially the Nightmare Before, During, and Foreseeably after Halloween, because Miss Pandemic has not penciled in any time off for this upcoming full moon. It is truly such a shame that there’s no respect for religious holidays nowadays. Nevertheless, just because your night of tricking should be planned with negative COVID-test pics swapped before meeting doesn’t mean y’all have to limit your treats. Open your third eye (or even your brown eye) to these inspirations to keep your Halloween hoeing strictly Mask4Mask.
Sexy Eeyore
What’s sexier than a detachable tail? Just think about how much attention you could draw by continuously pinning and repinning your tail to your ass. Plus, Eeyore was the depressed one, thus releasing you from the ever present threat of an older man asking to “see that smile.” Let your eye bags lead your potential lovers to wonder what rims the other holes of your being.
2. Toothy Smile
Emphasizing sharp teeth or the presence of teeth in general will discourage all demons from possessing your throat cavities. Plus, it relieves the pressure to swallow their...droplets. It’s only until after the costumes come off that the date gets to discover which pair of lips is actually toothed.
3. E.T. in Drag
Plopping an alien’s face over yours topped with a ratty blonde wig and a bowling hat will let the boos, the ghouls, and the fairies know that you like to party. Especially if you do that glowing finger trick (maybe with a small flashlight), you’ll have everyone wanting to phone home directly into your nebulous black hole.
4. Lana Del Rey in a Fishnet Mask
This is a bit of a cop-out as it is highly dangerous to leave the house with no more than a glittery fishnet as your only protection. However, Del Rey’s recent criticism of women more successful than her has made her spirit of comparison the most horrifying terror on this list. If you are to attempt this look, proceed with caution, and remind your viewing audience that, yes, you are a woman who wants to love like a woman because you are a woman.
5. Spider
Eyes are the windows to the soul, and with eight, eyes are the windows to your hole. Grab an octo-eyed face mask and some white thread and start webbing! This is your opportunity to get glittery and transparent like Lana’s feature above. Spin your lover’s attention to your lace work. And if all else fails, remind them: Spiders produce silk from their spinneret glands located at the tip of their abdomen.
This Samhain, Full Blue Moon, Halloween, and whatever else you celebrate, make sure you actually wear a mask, wash your hands, and if any troll tries to pull a trick on you, make sure to keep a razor blade in your candied apple. Happy Hole-a-day!