Theater Student Tries To Recreate Famous “O Captain! My Captain!” Scene Over Zoom, Hits Head on Ceiling Fan

So far, no one has been safe from the evil clutches and relentless tragedies of 2020. Yet the last thing anybody expected was for online Zoom classes to become physically dangerous on top of the mental dangers they already posed. This year is full of give and take; for instance, FSU wins one football game against a ranked team, and then tragedy must rear its ugly head. Theater students have been struggling this semester as it is tough for them to express their self-proclaimed quirky personalities within the confines of a little webcam box. All things considered, the particular tragedy that ensued seems almost...inevitable. 

“It was just another regular zoom session in TPA 2100. That’s Performance I for any of you unaware normies,” said Walt Whitchild, sniffling with obvious fake actor tears forming around his eyes. “Out of nowhere, our professor announced that he would no longer be teaching our class and provided no more information. And to preface, he always talks about that old movie ‘Dead Poets Society’ with Robin Williams. I immediately knew what I had to do as a farewell. I may have been the first to stand on my home desk chair and yell, ‘Oh, Captain! My Captain!,’ but I should not be responsible for what happened next.”

“All my classmates said I jumped up on my chair with more bravery and enthusiasm than they had ever seen,” said Conn Cushon from his hospital bed with a hefty ice pack wrapped around his neck. “Apparently, I only got halfway through the phrase before being knocked out cold by my high-speed titanium alloy ceiling fan that I got for Christmas thanks to my excessive night sweats. The doctor said it would have been a lot worse on the way down had I not landed on my bed. It must have been one hell of a sight for my Zoom-mates to see, because all I remember is waking up with a headache and laptop burns.”

Thankfully, the doctors say Conn most likely won’t lose the few brain cells he has from this concussion, but will very likely suffer from long-term damage in the form of poorly-recited movie quotes. Any wise man can see the two ultimate lessons in this situation. Next time you think about taking a chance just as this brave boy did, you have to know what you are willing to give in return. The other lesson is that the danger of Zoom University cannot be overstated; watch your head and stay vigilant.