A Stuffed Turkey, COVID-19 and Other Things You Can Bring Home To Your Family This Thanksgiving
Parents that expect their kids to bring something back with them from college for good ol’ Thanksgiving Break (while also knowing they can’t even afford Easy Mac) are the stuff of nightmares. And yet, that doesn’t change the look of utter disappointment that overtakes a mom’s face seeing their own child couldn’t be bothered to contribute to the already overdone Thanksgiving dinner after a hellish 6 hour drive. Well, we at The Eggplant have some seasonal solutions for you!
Pumpkin Pie
Really, any kind of pie is a good pick for such a flavorful holiday! Pecan, blueberry, apple or hell, just pass out baked pie crusts and call it a day. It’ll probably get a chuckle out of your weird uncle, and that almost rhymes.
Mashed Potatoes
Easy? Check. Cheap? Check. Won’t go bad during a long haul car drive from Tallahassee to Orlando? We don’t know jack shit about potatoes, but that sounds right to us.
A Whole Cooked Turkey
For all you privileged upper-middle-class kids out there with too much access to mom and dad’s bank accounts (and dutch ovens), just straight-up stuff and baste a whole goddamn turkey. Sure, they probably already have one, but nothing screams wealth more than excess! That fucker can fully cook in a crockpot during the drive, right?
That Girl You Hooked Up With 48 Hours Before Driving Home
Parents never seem to let up on the overbearing relationship questions that lead to silent judgment over any inability to maintain a stable relationship longer than two weeks. While this certainly isn’t stable and you definitely wouldn’t be able to say what her eye color is without cheating if someone asked, at least it’ll be a better topic to distract from your failing online class grades!
COVID-19
Maybe bringing a girl you met maskless at the Strip on the not-so-game-day game-day wasn’t the best idea. And maybe you should have taken the hint and not brought her home to your entire family when she stated to your face that she had just tested positive for COVID that very day. Now, Aunt Lucie is coughing all over the cranberry sauce and your Cousin Neil is crying because he can’t taste those perfect Thanksgiving leftovers. Whoops.
Quality Family Bonding Time In 2-Week-Long Quarantine
Good thing you already had to stay home for the rest of the semester, right? Being sick together is absolute hell, but your family has never been closer. And by that, we mean that everyone is spending too much time asleep to actually argue with one another.