English Major Calls Himself a Writer After Getting Published in High School Yearbook Once
It's the year of the girl, and some English majors have taken it upon themselves to act like it's also the year of the English major. This mass hysteria has come to us after one of these despotic students started claiming he was a "writer" despite his only writing experience coming from high school yearbook and all his cool short stories just being shit his dad did in the 80s. Even after going as far as changing his Twitter bio to include "Writer :P," people around him were somehow allowing him to continued this pitiful injustice to the artistic world. Observers watched in disgust as this boy shouted Shakespeare quotes he knows from movies and claimed to be something he only wished he was.
"I'm really thinking about getting into publishing after college, and I'd be happy with writing or editing if I am honest," said self-proclaimed writer and owner of multiple pairs of off-brand Doc Martens, James Boyce, while digging in his coat pocket for the loose change needed to pay for a new messenger bag at Target. "I can't wait to start writing my novel on the side of a human resources job once I finally make back enough money to pay off my un-used degree. I know I won't make much money for a while, but that's okay because life is too short not to do what you love. The market may seem oversaturated now, from an outsider's perspective. But when you have 'the gift,' as they say, nothing can stop your voice. Your writer's voice that is. I bite my thumb at those haters that say I have no business calling myself a writer. Experience means nothing."
"He seems to have no shame over calling himself a writer despite having no experience, how embarrassing," said quiet observer Sandra Jackson while lurking through her former classmate's Twitter with the fury of a thousand suns. "I just want everyone to remember that I won the treasurer position for our school's chapter of the National English Honor Society—not this self-proclaimed Chaucer fanboy. I'm sure after he inevitably takes 'Women in Lit,' he still won't realize the importance of writing female characters. But it's not like anyone beyond the r/JoeRogan subreddit is going to be reading his 'work' anyway."
No one knows when the anger of the public will simmer down after this public display of fraudulence. Another day passed by where James introduced himself once more as a writer but has no answer when he asked to show some of his work (like not even a shit haiku or something). Not an ounce of credibility or wisdom to be seen, only lies. Once again, another example of the injustices that we see committed around us daily that, if worked towards, can be stopped. As James always says, and in fact, originally wrote, according to him and only him, "once more unto the breach, dear friends."