Mom Elated at the Opportunity to Vacuum While College Kid is Sleeping, Says She’s “Been Waiting Three Years for This”

While many of us are quarantined at home with our families, there are a few bright spots: home-cooked meals, your mom doing your laundry, and more space than a dorm room. Despite this, it is hard to say that the positives of moving back home outweigh the negatives of the situation. It feels like the U.S. government is being run by the same idiot who captained the “Titanic,” graduation is canceled, and with no foreseeable end to the quarantine, it is becoming difficult for people to find something to be excited about. Through it all, one mom has found a way to stay positive - by only vacuuming when her son is asleep.

Karen Overstreet, a proud mother of two, avid FSU Parents Facebook group poster, and lover of all home decor with the word “gather,” has a lot to say about her new-old life as a high school soccer mom now that her kids are back. “Before my kids came home, I married my second husband, Rory, and we were empty-nesters. At first, it was nice, but then I took to sharing motivational Facebook graphics about how everyone just needs to be nice to each other because I was lonely and had no one I could be condescending to. When they were in high school, I used to love vacuuming while they were trying to sleep. It’s even better now since there is a shelter-in-place order, so they can’t try to run away and live at their father’s house! I’ve done it every day this week, and there is no way in hell I’m stopping.”

Alex Overstreet, an FSU senior business major that really thinks his “frat boy check” TikTok is going to take off, feels differently about his mom’s favorite habit. “Listen, when I lived in Smith, I had this roommate, Bernard, that used to scream poetry in his sleep. If I woke up to ‘shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?’ being shouted at three in the morning one more time, I was going to attach a car battery to Wescott fountain and electrocute myself. Well, guess what, Bernard’s midnight rhymes ain’t SHIT compared to my mom’s fucking vacuum. The piercing whir of the motor and the crack of a sturdy potato chip getting caught in the head of the vacuum at 7:00 a.m. is enough to make me wish I had COVID. At least then she would let me sleep.”

We all know that mom’s wait to vacuum until we are asleep because it is a way for her to assert dominance over us while still seeming like a good, caring parent, but god damn is it annoying. Whatever way you are making it through quarantine, just know that we are all in the same boat, no matter how insurmountable staying home seems. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the sweet white noise coming from mom’s yellow dyson - you might just miss it’s nostalgic lull in a few years' time.