“No Pants Required!” and 7 Other Silver Linings to Online Class
In the time of Corona, students must work extra hard to find the little things that make life worth living in the end. It seems like everywhere you look, there are people crying, sneezing, or both. It is of the utmost importance that hope is found somewhere in this hell. The idea of sitting in a classroom is long gone now, and online classes may seem to spell the end of the world, but there are more benefits to online courses than one might think.
1.No Pants Required!
As many already know, by far, the most significant gain in any webcam meeting situation is that you never actually need to wear pants. Anything out of view of the webcam is completely fair game. That feeling of going home from class and taking your pants off is now a feeling that you can have all the time without it being socially unacceptable!
2. Do as Many Drugs as You Please!
Pop a few tabs of acid (or your drug of choice) before the Zoom starts, put up a virtual space background, and then put on some sunglasses. You are now ready to Zoooooooooooom.
3. No Chads on Boosted Boards!
Ever had some jock fly by you on an overpriced boosted board his parents bought him while you were walking to Bellamy? Thank God that’s over for a while. No longer must you worry about mentally snapping and throwing rocks under Chad’s tires while he boosts past you.
4. You Can Now Simultaneously Be in Class and Get Yelled at by Your Family!
Choices can be hard. Would you rather be lectured by your boring-ass professor for an hour or get yelled at for minding your own business by your parents? Well, like that little girl from the taco commercial always said, “¿Porque no los dos?”
5. “My Wi-Fi Keeps Disconnecting”
Sure, whatever you say. Even if it actually works fine, it’s unlikely the professor will call you out for lying about your Wi-Fi during a global pandemic. You’re innocent until proven guilty. Godspeed.
6. The Dumb Kid Next to You Can’t Cheat off of You Anymore.
The negative side to this is that you can’t cheat off of the smart kid next to you anymore. That shit sucks.
7. It’s Even Easier to Procrastinate.
It was harder to procrastinate when you had actual places to be, and it’s even easier to push off an assignment with “all that’s going on.” There’s no point in getting ahead of things when even time has lost all meaning.
8. No one Has to smell Greg Through Their Webcams
Luckily for everyone alive, technology isn’t advanced enough for Zoom to have smell-o-vision, because the kids that used to cover up their smell with Axe body spray in middle school just stopped using anything altogether. If you’re ever wondering, “Is that the same shirt as last week’s class?” It definitely is. And it definitely hasn’t been washed.