“Well Good Morning, Sleepyhead,” Says Dad at 10:30 A.M.

It’s crazy to think that we’re already four weeks into this quarantine. Sure, for the first two weeks you still saw your friends on a regular basis, likely spreading the disease at a violent rate. However, just as enough people around you started taking it seriously, you conveniently became dedicated to staying home. You begin to fill your days with laying in bed and reposting the CDU guide to surviving quarantine and saying stuff like “I do be missing Tallahassee” on your Instagram story. Even though this is a completely mindless, boring lifestyle, you can’t help but stay up until 2 a.m. Thus, when you wake up the next morning, you must face your father sitting in the living room, ready with a sassy remark about your sleeping habits.

“I’ll admit, in this whole situation, I’ve let my daily schedule loosen up a tad. I’ve been going to bed late and sleeping in - I feel like a teenager!” said your father, who woke up this morning at 6:45 a.m. “It’s a fun little repertoire that we have every morning. When I hear the door open, I have to make a quick decision. I’ll either hit them with a ‘Good Afternoon,’ a ‘Good Morning, Sleepyhead,’ or just a long ‘wow.’ I’m just goofing around, of course. I just can’t imagine sleeping in that late. If I ever woke up post-sunrise, I would just go ahead and check into the nearest hospital because something is wrong. Anyways, I know I joke around, but I really love that kid. I get that they’re in college, but I don’t think this hippyish, waking up at 10:30 a.m. lifestyle is going to be healthy in the long run.”

“You have to understand, he just really cares about you. He sees you making these mistakes and wants to help. That’s why he teases you,” claimed your mother, who, while equally concerned about your completely normal sleeping habits, thinks that if she acknowledges it, you will begin to rebel against her. “We are both concerned that this late sleeping is part of a bigger problem. I know college can be tough, but you know that drugs are never the answer. Okay, I didn’t want to talk about this now, but we found your cigarette shaped one-hitter in your backpack. I understand that this is a scary time. I’ll admit that your father and I are worried as well. This is a moment of uncertainty and confusion in our nation, but that doesn’t mean it has to be that way in this blessed household. We have to work through this together in a healthy, productive way.”

Though your parents may be vastly overreacting to your sleep schedule, they might annoyingly have a point. You have gained so much free time and truly have no excuse not to be using it to improve on yourself. In the past few weeks, you have definitely been eating a diet normally only found among the laziest of racoons. Maybe you should pick up cooking. Your acne has gotten worse. Maybe you should try a new skincare treatment. You have been feeling particularly unfit. Maybe you should start doing more physical activity than rolling over on the couch. Of course, you won’t do any of this, but who knows. If this continues for too much longer, maybe you’ll get tired of sitting around doing nothing. Probably not, though.