What Your Quarantine Binge-Watch Says About You

With everyone staying inside for the foreseeable future, there’s plenty of time to get into all the shows you were too busy studying or partying to watch. While some experts may say that going for a short walk or keeping busy improves mood, those with a lower IQ have decided to invest in a fictional character’s well-being. Even though all of these shows have millions of viewers, this directly applies to you and nobody else.

Tiger King:

You are the moment. You want to be part of the Twitter discussions and memes because you’re so desperate to have anything that helps you relate to people. You’re so lonely that you resort to using a TV show in place of having a personality until people stop talking about it and you have to find a new thing. You also have very pretty eyes. 

Ozark:

You probably think that this show is educational, and that’s why you have watched several seasons in single sittings. To all the people thinking they’re going to launder money from watching a Netflix original, you are sadly mistaken. You will probably just graduate with a business degree and be a middle manager for the rest of your life. You tell all of your friends to watch it, but they never will because it seems super boring aside from the fact that Jason Bateman is hot. Is it just the show your friends think is boring? Or is it you, too?

Game of Thrones:

If you’re using quarantine time to watch a show instead of getting skinny or making sourdough, why would you pick one that has ended? Only a completely oblivious person would do that after seeing how mad people were about the finale. Also, why choose a show with so many nerd fans? You’re going to memorize the intricacies of a made-up world so you can discuss it with… some gamer with greasy hair? Several lapses in judgment were made. You are probably the friend who makes bad decisions but doesn’t even realize it. 

Grey’s Anatomy:

This show has been on for 16 seasons. In that time, you could have actually gone to medical school instead of watching a fake heart transplant. Why do you have such a hard time giving up on something that is clearly not good and never ending? If you have accepted shootings and bombs as something that happens regularly in hospitals, you probably accept bad treatment from others. Sometimes, it’s ok to admit that things are not working out. You’ll be happier.

Rewatching a show:

You want to stick with what’s comfortable, something where you know every line and every character arc. You deserve something new and exciting. When was the last time you took a risk? Exactly. Stop clinging to the time you watched that show for the first time and were happy and live a little for once in your life.

If you’re not watching TV and doing schoolwork instead:

You are a nerd. No other way to put it. School is online now. You can use a calculator or the book, not to mention the entire internet. If you’re so smart then why are you making life harder for yourself? Something to think about and apply to your daily life.