Eggplant Horoscopes January 2021
Happy New Year! Well, everyone, we did it. We made it through that hellish excuse of a year that was 2020 and are entering a new one where things are pretty much the same. But that’s alright, we can still look for little things to look forward to and find hope in the small victories. Whether that be an exciting new update to your love life, at home school schedule or years lost from your life, the Eggplant astrology team is here to tell you what’s good, bad and mediocre about your first month of the new year.
Aries: Aries baby, the turn of the calendar symbolizes the start of a new page in your story. Take this year to focus on what’s really important: you! We know you like to save money (hell, we are in a recession after all) but if 2020 taught us anything, it’s the importance of living in the moment. And full disclosure: we mean, like, spending an extra dollar to add cold foam to your Starbucks order, not going out to a superspreader event at AEPi.
Taurus: Toro, as a lover of all things opulent, we know the pandemic has been anything but easy for you. The new year is sure to bring you plenty of wonderful travel opportunities. Cancelling your lavish summer plans was surely a major bummer, but Tulum will be there in a few months when this is (hopefully) all over. And let’s face it, you couldn’t afford it anyway.
Gemini: Happy New Year, Gemini! For having such a bad reputation, you sure are a riot. You really spiced up 2020 during any and all small functions, and especially made a lasting impact when you drunk-texted your ex and cried the rest of the night. This year, we predict that you will enter the most loving relationship of your life--with yourself. Interpret as you see fit ;).
Cancer: 2020 really tested you, Cancer. The isolation that came along with quarantining made you revert to your crab-like instincts, and you retreated far into your shell at the first sight of adversity. In 2021, you will be forced to engage in social interaction with people that intimidate you. Fear not, love--they’re just a bunch of cringe comedy kids with windbreakers.
Leo: We’re sorry about 2020, Leo. It’s hard to show off your rocking bod and dazzling personality when the only people you see in person are your roommates and the other people your age in the line at Publix who could be totally uggo under their masks. Rest assured, the stars foretell a brief brush with intimacy this month, and you’ll have plenty more opportunities to get yourself on everyone’s “must kiss” list once this vaccine hits.
Virgo: Virgo. Oh, Virgo, calling this last year a ‘bit of a rough time’ for you is a slanderous understatement. We understand you don’t like being told what to do, but for your own sake, stop downplaying the bigger struggles in your life and don’t be afraid to reach out to the homies. Have a distanced picnic, call that classy therapist of yours, put the hair dye down. You’re really doing your best, take a step back and admire yourself for making it this far. Then get yourself some ice cream. You always have everyone’s back, in 2021, try to have your own as well.
Libra: What an eventful year you had, Libra! It might not feel like it, but you certainly accomplished a lot, even if that was just taking the occasional trip from your bedroom to the couch. January and the whole of 2021 bode well for even more new and exciting adventures for you, but beware and make sure to balance those scales, babe, lest you overwhelm yourself and step on some toes on the way.
Scorpio: As the calendar turns and you’re still asking yourself for the millionth time; ‘Hey, what the fuck, guys?’ We advise you to take a few deep breaths for yourself and embrace the fact 2020 has taught you that no, you cannot fistfight all of your problems in the back of a Whataburger parking lot. Sometimes you have to meet those problems in the Whataburger parking lot with a warm hug instead, leaving the shank behind. It’s less messy, for one, and in the end just overall better for your mental health. Prioritize warm hugs over shanks in 2021 all you sagacious Scorpios.
Sagittarius: You may have wasted your best one-liners in the emptiness of your own apartment this year, Sag, but that didn’t stop you from fighting the crippling boredom by trying a ton of new things this year. Burned that pinterest garlic bread? Bravo! Stabbed yourself with an embroidery needle? Well done! Skinned your knees going down that hill on those new roller skates like the speed demon you are? Hell. Yes. Despite the misery this last year threw at you, you still did what you do best, exploring ways to make light of your situation. Keep up that beautiful curiosity in 2021, and you’ll do just fine.
Capricorn: Going a little stir crazy, aren’t we, Cap? It’s all a waiting game and yes, you’re playing it. Last year was all about work, and this year is no different. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t glam yourself up and have a good time sitting down with your thoughts and repressed feelings! This January, you’re certain to turn heads. Whether that be from those new, butt-lifting leggings you impulse purchased or from your sexy set of under-eye bags, who’s to say?
Aquarius: Happy Birthday, Aquarius! You were one of the lucky few who had the chance to party like a rockstar on your special day last year. This year things may not be as sexy, but we see some fortune in your future in the form of a special someone. Keep your eyes peeled for a muscular and masked hottie to come out of the fog and sweep you off your birks.
Pisces: There are plenty of fish in the sea, and you know that better than anyone, Pisces. 2020 was a year of striking out in more ways than one, but for you, there wasn’t exactly love in the air. Yes, you may have been faced with a countless series of backhanded disappointments, betrayals, and overall emotional warfare. Was this a pretty bad time? Yes, but looking forward this year, have you learned more of what you want and how you value yourself? We see a lot of bad bitch growth for you this year, sexy little fishies, don’t be afraid to bite the gross toes that have the audacity to dip themselves into your pond.