Girlfriend Who Dresses as Playboy Bunny With Hugh Hefner Boyfriend Actually in Extreme Distress

We all know Halloween is the true holiday of romance. Pumpkin carvings, scary movies, and discount candy on November 1st beats roses on Valentine’s any day. However, we know all too well the stress of making sure you’re the main character at your Talloweek party lineup. It’s even harder when you have two costumes to think about if you have a silly little significant other. Just make sure you’re reading the updated Cosmo on which fits will get you cancelled this year. 

A recent study showed that amongst a pool of the prisoner and the cop, the hunter and the deer, and the catwoman and batman duo, the couples who dress for Halloween as Hugh Hefner and a Playboy bunny were found to be the most miserable. Perhaps the scariest thing this Halloween was the cis couple you encountered that has been wearing this outfit since they first matched on Tinder freshman year. 

“It just makes me feel like the man,” said local boyfriend, Justin Dunn. He stood about 5’5” and donned a red robe that gaped open to reveal his barren, hairy chest. “Hugh Hefner was a legend. The way he knew so much about women. He’s an inspiration to me. I also have a good eye for women, I think.” He then hit his vape and adjusted the sailor hat. “I think Miranda loves it.”

His girlfriend, towering over him in her bunny ears blinked twice when asked. “We’ve been the same thing four years in a row now. I wanted to switch it up this year and be Drew Barrymore and Ghostface from Scream but he said he wouldn’t be caught dead with me wearing a baggy sweater.” Despite her teeth locked into a tight grin, unshed tears glistened in Miranda’s eyes. “Is a new costume too much to ask for? Accidentally twinning with people at Bajas was fun for a second, but I want more. I think he really just likes wearing slippers to the club.”

We’re no philosophers here at the Eggplant, but it seems that Hugh Hefner obsession is to a frat boy as the serial killer obsession is to a theatre kid. With another Talloweek in the books, we suggest you start planning next year’s fit before the microtrends of 2022 hit. Our best advice is to steer clear of corny couple costumes and relationships all together!