What To Do With Your $69 Strozier Printer Balance Five Months From Graduation

Students have long dealt with the terror of the $0.25 Strozier fee for their crispy B&W sheets. You’ve suffered through trying to beat out a 500-word religious ethics paper at 3 AM while laughing with your closest chums in study room 107K. Now you’re a senior who hasn’t stepped foot in Strozier in over three years. Your apartment's $30 Espen printer just went kaput, and you make the trek to the five-floor edifice that is Strozier library once again to print your practice problems for your Gen Ed Math for Liberal Arts students class that you’re retaking in order to graduate. That’s when you see a $69 balance left on your Strozier FSUCard. You couldn’t possibly print that much paper...what do you do? 

“Why would I ever need paper?” Greg Jordan, a computer science major at FSU, muttered while writing a backend algorithm. “I never use paper to code, so I don’t know what to do with this huge wad of non-Bitcoin. I can’t even transfer it to other things like Zelle. I’ve thought about starting a business where I print other people’s essays for $0.15 compared to the $0.25 Strozier offers,” said one anonymous student with a striped bowling shirt and cargo shorts. “I wouldn’t turn a profit, sure, but if I can’t use this for anything else, why not try to liquidate my money?” 

Some students have thought of asking the school for a senior special refund, but to no avail. “I’m an art student. I need to print out full color graphic designs and masterful pieces of work some might call “doodles”. But even I’m struggling to spend all this money I invested in library print services,” said senior drawing major Lindsay Fineout. “The film students have been writing and printing 90 page scripts using Strozier paper so they can post the page count on Instagram. They’re the only ones making it out of this alive.”

Whatever you want to use your unused balance for, use it. You can’t let the man just have the money. So why don’t you swipe into Suwannee like a little freshman. Enjoy your honey chicken Fridays and put that FSUcard to use! It’s still your money, even if you accidentally loaded it all up to put ink on paper.