Psychologists Have Proven That Hooking up with Your Ex While Home for the Holidays is Actually Really Healthy
Students across FSU’s campus reported a longing for nostalgia as the weather dropped for Thanksgiving break. At this time, there weren’t enough overpriced 90s sweaters in supply at Railroad Square to keep 40,000 titties toasted. So while home for the break, FSU students sought out other nostalgia’s to keep them warm. For some, this included watching old holiday movies and drinking hot cocoa, while others got stuffed like turkeys by their hometown ex.
Both are valid, but boring people have claimed that sleeping with an ex is not a nostalgic aesthetic and is actually “toxic behavior.” Thankfully, local psychology undergrad, Tina, understands. “I’ve been sleeping with my hometown ex every holiday break since he broke up with me freshman year of college.” She said while pulling out her observations she had collected and reported recently on her notes app. After scrolling through a folder entitled “i miss you” she found evidence of healthy increases in her energy from the beginning to end of Thanksgiving break.
Entry 40, 11/23: “I haven’t done much while being home for the break. There isn’t really anyone to hang out with since I blocked most of my graduating class for being racists. Feeling bored. At least my ex, John, understood the subliminal messages I made for him on my public instagram story. We’re texting again.”
Entry 41, 11/25: “Just hasd thanksgiving dinner. Mye ex is pcikeing me up rn. FUCK my cousins and FUCK theyr wives. Marriage is for the weak. This pussy boutta get wrecked!”
Entry 42: 11/26: “John and I are having a secret affair. The mixture of shame and horniness have created the perfect cocktail of excitement to keep me from dissociating and watching all five seasons of Arrested Development.”
These reports clearly indicate that Tina has found the cure for temporary loneliness: validation from an ex. John himself had something to add on the benefits of sleeping with his hometown ex, Tina. “In college people start having ‘standards,’ but this completely diminishes when you see the person who inspired those boundaries.” He said while getting out of bed to open snapchat, with a still-naked Tina under his covers. “Tina and I have devastatingly low expectations for each other.” The stress levels of intimacy have dropped tremendously, due to the humility of having sex under one’s childhood bedsheets.
Clearly the mundane, cripplingly lonely air of November and December can be turned around by coming home to see familiar faces. Especially if the familiar faces have broken hearts from exploring themselves in college. So get cozy, go crazy, and explore the nightmares of Christmas’ past while home for the holidays. Nothing is more nostalgic than head from an ex!