Uh Oh! Winter Break Reminded You That You Can’t Move Home After School!

While going home over winter break mainly consists of sulking in one’s childhood bedroom while listening to a Phoebe Bridgers song that actually isn’t that relatable, many find it inspires much thought about post-grad living. Comments like “you’re too skinny” and “don’t eat that” work in tandem to haunt the space called a living room, despite your wanting to die. Your father’s lurking and meaningless footsteps echo from warm-toned white walls that hold a religious quote pasted up by your not-that-religious mother. If a lesson other than not throwing one’s SavageXFenty crotchless lace-up thong in the family laundry pile is learned, it is the fact that under no circumstances would you be able to survive at home after college, no matter what distance fools the mind to think. 

“I was excited to see my family since it’s the holidays and all,” started Isabel Smith, senior at Florida State. “After being away for so long, though, you start to notice things you didn’t before. My dad chews his food in this really particular way that makes me feel like I’m sitting in the middle of hell. I tried to make a charcuterie board but my mother kept insisting that we wouldn’t eat all that cheese. She just doesn’t get it.” Smith took a moment to switch her sunset lamp off and gaze out into her student living community, glancing back shortly after an unleashed chihuahua with an ugg-ed owner used the restroom on “her” front lawn. “I’m just gonna miss this nasty little town. There’s no way I’ll survive in Boca Raton.”

“I thought this would be ok,” began Robbie Smith, Isabel’s older brother, and living-at-home veteran. A shell of a man, he mumbles as he speaks and uses his gaming chair to roll from one side of the room to another. “I just wanted to save money. My friends and I said we’d move in a year. It’s been…more than a year.” He silenced a discord notification and continued. “My mom said I could eat for free while I’m here, but every time we go to the supermarket she stares at me until I pull out my card.” Smith started beating his head repeatedly, reciting “I’m such an idiot.”

While living at home can sometimes feel less preferable than being waterboarded, it has its benefits. We can’t list any, but I’m sure they’re there. Moving to Brooklyn one day after graduation sounds exciting, but while one’s best friends are kissing rats on the mouth and paying $8 for a latte, remember you can do the same exactly where you grew up. If you pretend to be in a Hallmark original movie where the main character’s hometown is somehow more fulfilling than a studio apartment and young business career in NYC, everything may be a bit more bearable.