The Next Michael Jordan? This Guy Just Took His Shirt Off Playing Spikeball!

It’s January 10th on Landis Green, the air is exactly 70 degrees Fahrenheit and the sun is partially shrouded by a scattered collage of clouds. It is the perfect condition for the student population to wear whatever they want. For some, it’s the perfect day for a Zelda tee and some cargo shorts. For others, it’s a 60-year-old sweater they thrifted that shows clear signs of a violent death. But for Eric Berger, it’s the perfect day to unleash the fucking dragon. Eric is the sophomore hot-head of the Spikeball club, the only soldier on the squadron that didn’t make the team his freshman year despite the fact it’s a club, and the other guys let their stupid girlfriends play all the time. On January 10th, Eric ripped off his Spikeball jersey (a free Jackson properties tank from a housing fair) and let the beast roar.

“I have something to prove out here, I don't care who sees. I need to show these people I'm a different breed of athlete, and half of that energy comes out when I peel the banana. My opponents will never see my ninjutsu coming. Let the audience know shits about to be disruptive,” Eric stated, the young athlete with a chip on his shoulder and a knee brace on both of his knees. Eric continued, “It's honestly not something I think about, it's more something I feel about, you know? For example, all the GOATs of athletics just do what their heart tells them during the process and it makes them better players. Tiger throws his hat, Serena fucking screams, OJ kills his wife, all of that shit helps them out. They’re not even thinking about it, it honestly feels more like all of my heroes put a hand on my tank straps and rip it off, not me.” 

When asked about Eric’s performance, team captain Greg Donnelly stated, “Yeah he’s pretty good, I mean it's Spikeball, it’s like cornhole for people who listen to Eminem. It’s really no big deal, anyone can do it, I used to invite my girlfriend all the time and she had fun but Eric keeps comparing himself to OJ and it freaks people out.” Donnelly started the club simply as a resume booster and beholds no sign of passion for the sport despite his aggressive teammates.“I wouldn’t even call it a sport, I don’t even think it’s on ESPN 3 and they show lotto numbers on that channel. I’m the captain of the team and I’m saying this.”

Eric’s tenacity is a shining example of the intuition and drive that defines a Florida State Seminole, a person attempting a futile effort towards a goal that is a mockery of an occupation, plus everyone thinks you look stupid. Keep up the great work Eric, you’re making your classmates proud. Whether you’re a D1 scout or someone else's girlfriend, you can spot Eric Berger hitting the grindstone after college algebra every day from 12:50 up until 3:05, he has tutoring then.