ROTC Friend A Little Too Excited About His Uniform
The line of duty demands the biggest sacrifices from our veterans. The drip, it seems, is one of the biggest victims of active service. Typically, mandating uniforms is meant to encourage unity and identify the brave few who are working towards an education while actively training. A lot of time goes into ensuring every button and thread is in its right place. A uniform is a reflection of oneself and one’s character after all. This sort of explains why they all kind of look like overachieving mailmen. Recently, ROTC students have been a lot more vocal about their mailmen attire and are eager to explain why baby blue really embodies American strength.
“I got this pin after risking my life overseas. London was pretty nuts and doing my classes abroad came with a lot of unique challenges. I thought the folks at BuckinghamPalace looked real funny in their big fuzzy hats,” reminisced Dug Bee as he took a break from ironing his olive green button-down. “I strongly feel that we as a student body can learn a lot from wearing uniforms. Look, I know that half of us give up when it comes to our fits and just throw on a shitty FSU or CDU hoodie. Why should we all look like a sea of “college students that just woke up” when we can look like a sea of “college students that are actively being brainwashed”? We’d all look fantastic. As I see it, the most punk and hip thing you can do is to reject the lame human decency Machine and embrace the super cool U.S. War Machine.”
“I love seeing my students in uniform. It makes them a lot harder to remember so forgetting them after they graduate is a breeze,” confessed soldier turned professor Colo “Not Colonel” Nell when asked about students wearing uniforms. “It’s great that they are brave enough and passionate enough to sign up for a lifetime of service. It’s even better that we set them up for ridicule by making them wear a uniform 24/7. See, I was discharged after my superiors got tired of remembering to stop calling me colonel. I hated being singled out. I hate individuality. My students should be proud to be wearing those uniforms and letting everyone else know that they signed up for some spicy PTSD later in life. Half of the military is about being verbally abused by your superiors.”
Since conducting these interviews, the ROTC program was eager to send each of the staff members our own honorary uniforms to wear around campus. We were a little bummed to learn you can’t crop it without “invoking the wrath of the great bald eagles” or whatever. While we’re not super jazzed about army green, someone out there is. Maybe a little too much.