BREAKING: Girl Still Finds a Way To Fantasize About Classmate in Asynchronous Class

While online schooling has drastically affected all aspects of campus life, its impact on classroom crushes has been devastating. There’s nothing more characteristic of human nature than staring at the back of a messy, auburn head of a hair and wondering how many trips to the bathroom it would take before they notice your cute outfit. But with asynchronous classes dominating the school year, your chance of finding a school beau to obsess over has become a lot more difficult. Fortunately for the romantics out there, The Eggplant discovered Casey Williams, who impressively still managed to find a boy to fantasize over in her asynchronous ENC 2135 Research, Genre, and Context course.

“I was bored one night while finishing an essay, and I decided to scroll through the ‘People’ tab on Canvas. That’s when I saw Brett Johnson, and I don’t know, the name just spoke to me,” Casey blushed. “I stared at his Canvas profile picture for hours. It was a blank icon, but I couldn’t help imagining what my mystery man looked like.” But Casey’s infatuation didn’t stop there. “Half of my class notebook is dedicated to imagining our life together. I can tell from the way he always responds to a discussion post a minute before it’s due that he values freedom and a sense of adventure. I’m thinking we could have a five year plan where we start by traveling Europe after graduation, then move to Malibu and adopt a dog. Preferably a rescue.”

However, not everyone was infatuated with Casey’s new love. “Yeah, I’ve met Brett once. He’s not all that,” said Casey’s roommate Jackie. “He’s a part-time business major who only knows how to say ‘wyd’ on Snapchat. She can do better, probably.” But for Casey, it was all heart eyes. In fact, while being interviewed, Casey began loudly screaming after realizing Brett responded to her discussion board post.  “He said he agreed with me that the reading was confusing! That’s totally flirting right? I really think he could be the one. Should I shave? I should respond.”

Clearly, Casey has proven that no matter the circumstance, it’s never impossible to find a crush in one’s classes, even if you’re just pinning their face on Zoom during walk-in office hours once a month. While it may not be true love, at least Casey found a distraction to take her mind off of the never ending deadlines, online classes, and awaiting vaccine distributions that haunt our brains. May we all find our own Brett Johnson in English class. Happy hunting!