Eggplant Horoscopes February 2021

We’re one month into this new year that is 2021 and, as we predicted, things haven’t really changed all that much. No worries, though. Like every month, this February is sure to hold things both good and bad for star sign loving maniacs across the nation. The Eggplant’s team of astrologers is here to ring in the month of love with hugs, kisses and cries for help.

Aries

Aries, your fiery personality loves the red-hot energy of Valentine’s Day, even if it just means you stay home eating shitty Russell Stover chocolates your mom’s boss gave her. Take some time for self-care this month by treating yourself to an at-home spa day, complete with face masks, a bubble bath, a glass of wine, and your favorite V-Day flick (so, Valentine’s Day. We’re pretty sure that’s the only Valentine’s Day movie). 

Taurus

Stubborn Toro, we know this time of year can be difficult, especially for someone as headstrong as you. Even if you do find yourself all by your lonesome this holiday, use this as an opportunity for self-reflection. We recommend journaling your thoughts and feelings, but make sure not to shit-talk anyone who lives in your vicinity and has a chance at finding it, you disorganized mess. 

Gemini

Gemini, you give a whole new meaning to everyone’s favorite middle school greeting: “hey twin!”. Just like your astrological symbol suggests, you constantly have two personalities clashing within your brilliant mind, both equally toxic. This February, try to give your softer side a chance by reaching out to some old friends and family. Do your best to keep your emotions under control when you reconnect with an old flame, even though he still wears tighty whiteys. Seriously, why are you into him? 

Cancer

It’s time to break out of that shell, Miss Crab! This month is the perfect time to put yourself out into the dating world and finally find your perfect match (we recommend watching Season 1 of Are You the One? On Netflix for inspo). This is your chance to leave your musty ex behind and start crying over someone who actually cares about you. 

Leo

Leo darling, we know the month of love will never get you down; you love yourself enough for everybody! So, let that energy shine through in everything (and everyone) you do! We know you already have a line of suitors vying for the coveted title of your valentine so channel that attention through your luscious mane and into the people in your life that aren’t so lucky in love. The entirety of Heritage Grove will wait for you, but your bestie that’s crying to The Notebook again might not make it to the 15th.

Virgo

Hiiii. How’s that Google Calendar of yours looking these days, Virgo? While we guarantee it’s organized, you simply can’t go on with compartmentalizing every single little emotion that you experience. All of the Staples in the world couldn’t supply you with enough filing cabinets to pack all of those feelings away. Open the journal you haven’t touched in three months and write that poem you’ve been thinking about in the Cascade’s parking lot. Everyone on the feed is just dying to read it. 

Libra

My sweet baby Libra, just because they give you the slightest ounce of respect, doesn’t mean you should love them. Yes, even the Starbucks barista that put a heart after your name or the Trader Joe’s employee that complimented your dirty Blundstones. Don’t text your hometown ex and remember that you are the most permanent person in your life!

Scorpio

Oh my Scorpio, this is a reminder for you that your “true love” that you once saw in the Ocala Publix parking lot--that you didn’t speak to--does not know you exist. It’s okay, there are plenty of fish in the sea. Let your guard down a little. Don’t be too secretive, we know it’s hard for you to trust others but how else are you going to find the one?

Sagittarius

The ever so fiery Sagittarius! You are so optimistic that it hurts sometimes. Don’t try to call your ex and rekindle the coals, love. You deserve someone that matches that spark of yours, don’t let that smelly skater bring you down this Valentine’s Day. Remember, you are an 11, and they are maybe a 3. And that’s if we’re being generous.

Capricorn

Darling Cap, we’re so excited that things are going so well for you. Yes, the pessimist in you is thinking that things are always too good to be true and will surely be ripped out of your grasp soon. Live in the moment, babes! You don’t always need to be two steps ahead. In this case, you need to be in your bed with a glass of bubbly and your brand new BFF (your dild). Seize this February as your own and remember to convince yourself that love is only in the air because you put it there. 

Aquarius

The word “quar” is in your name, girl. We know that expressing emotion is hard, but maybe it’s time to give it a shot. With the world ending right in front of our eyes, it might be good to bite the bullet and very vaguely hint to your crush that you like them via “love” reacting to that unread text they sent you three weeks ago. Let down those walls so they can get up in them!

Pisces

Silly little Pisces, how’s your new coping mechanism treating you? We know you might be having fun but be wary of what’s going on inside (and we don’t mean the bedroom). Try not to get too caught up in the thrill of your new plaything and look inward. Light some incense or whatever fruity little props you have to get your brain juices flowing and realize your intentions through your incredible creativity! Write, draw, dance, I don’t know, anything except texting your ex again.