Professor Under Fire After Disabling Little Confetti Feature on Canvas
In recent news, a local Florida State University professor has been labeled problematic following their decision to remove the confetti feature when students submit homework on Canvas. While it’s difficult to understand why anyone would fathom doing such, this teacher has been forced to comment on his actions due to an uprising of scorned pupils craving validation through cute, little animated confetti graphics. Students nationwide are scheduling protests in solidarity with their FSU brethren.
“I just don’t understand what would possess him to do something like this,” stated Rebecca Sullivan, a freshman at Florida State University and one of the many students sharing this feeling of disdain, banding together with Sullivan to bring about change. “Seeing tiny pieces of confetti flood my screen is just about the only thing that makes me submit work. Last time I submitted a 100-word description of what I wanted to do later in life for my ethics class, I just saw, like, nothing. Both for my future and on the screen. Fitting, but hurtful.”
“I really don’t understand what the big deal is,” said the professor in question, Mr. Keller. A lanky man, he stood with his mouth agape as he packed his things into cardboard boxes that were too big for the gel pens he’d put in them. Nothing else. Just the gel pens. “I just thought it was distracting, you know? Why should I congratulate my students for doing the bare minimum? A student asked me for an extension on replying to another kid’s discussion post! That takes, max, 2 seconds. It’s not like they’re actually gonna write anything beyond ‘great job!.’”
Overall, it’s clear that students are in desperate need of the confetti feature on Canvas. While Mr. Keller refused to turn it back on, which resulted in him losing his job, students wish to take the matter even further. Not only do they want confetti, but tiny emoticons within this festive feature, such as hot air balloons or tiny smiling faces. Once their demands are met, university teachers everywhere may finally know peace once more.