Man Walking Into His First 50 Person Class In 18 Months At The Height Of The Pandemic In His County Isn’t Wearing A Mask Because He “Forgot”

Things have changed quite a bit for all of us in the last year or so. The last time we were all on campus together like this we were being sent home for a week-long spring break that ended up lasting through the Thrasher presidency. One thing that hasn’t seemed to change, though, is the fact that the COVID-19 pandemic is deadass still happening. Yes, contrary to what Delta ads (the airline, not the Coronavirus variant) would like you to believe, the safety and fate of this country and the world is still in your hands, or across your face in the form of a 7x4 inch piece of cloth or polypropylene. It can be easy to forget sometimes, though, that the world is literally crumbling around you, and senior Caleb Johnson is the latest victim of a little COVID-era brain fog. 

“Not gonna lie it was kind of a bruh moment, so to speak,” said Johnson, shifting his weight from xwone boat shoe clad foot to the other. “You know how it is – basically it was tucked into the cupholder in my car, which is actually pretty clutch if you think about it because it caught all the condensation coming off my large iced butter pecan swirl from Dunkin. I did remember to grab that, though. It didn’t even cross my mind that something was missing until I got to class because the swarms of people I saw on the way weren’t wearing masks either. Not one in sight in the outdoor portion of the Einsteins line. They probably all forgot theirs in their cupholders, too, I bet.”

“The seat behind mine was the only empty one in the room when he walked in, nose and mouth exposed, so naturally I started formulating my will in my head,” recalled junior Public Health major Lisa Brown. “You know, I think it would’ve actually made more sense to be anti-mask. The rhetorical basis would still have been deeply flawed, but it would’ve at least been consistent! But to concede to the present reality and then walk into the first day of Infectious Disease Epidemiology naked from chin to cheeks is uniquely deranged. He yawned once and I could feel the warmth settle on the back collar of my bright pink Polo. It’s a shame, I loved that shirt.” 

As even Europeans (and Africans and Asians) of the 14th century Bubonic Plague likely did from time to time between leech baths and herb rubbings, every once in a while it can slip a person’s minds that simply going outside could kill them and, like, everyone else. Whoopsie! Better luck next class.