“The Den” Renovation Neat, but No Word if They’ll Ever Have Enough Honey Mustard

As the fall semester begins, FSU is welcoming back its students with new events like avoiding football tailgaters and unveiling facilities like new sawdust on the Union scaffolding. One such renovation is at FSU’s famous late-night stop The Den, known for filling students up with so much breakfast food, sugar, and grease to the point where they wish they had just eaten their mini-fridge leftovers. The update includes trendy lighting, sleek modern finishes and more electrical outlets than you can throw a Grand Slam at. While freshmen are just excited to be at a restaurant past 11 PM, people are asking...will there be enough honey mustard? 

“When I’m laying into a bodacious chicken tender, the last thing I want is for my tangy gold to come up empty from the pump,” said Ray Price, a regular at The Den for both social gatherings and a lonely Tinder swipe session. “I mean, come on, the new design looks cool, but there’s no way of telling if there will be enough of my sweet honey mustard.” Fred Rimple, a representative of The Den, commented, “If you’re going to do food, do food, you know?” 

“Listen, I’m a dip guy. I like dipping my food into dips. Ketchup is good, regular mustard is fine, but you know where the real flavor is? Honey mustard,” said the very exhausted and under appreciated Den employee Carl Macky as he snuck out to get a break on the outskirts of Traditions. “I get it. I want it too. But there’s literally no way of telling if there will be enough. One person comes in and wants a reasonable amount of ranch. The next guy wants as much honey mustard as we have stocked. It’s more unpredictable than when The Union is supposed to be finished.”

Whatever your fix, you can never have enough honey mustard...and The Den never has enough either. So sit back, feel the sticky pancake on your hand, and enjoy the new Den design after a crazy night out at the most disgusting club you’ve ever seen.