Club Under Club Downunder Opens up Under Club Downunder
The Tallahassee music scene, a gifted group of collegiate composers managed by but only a few pompous promoters, is seeing less competition every day. Muse mourners are being met with an even smaller set of sexy small-time function hatchers to choose from than the concert catchers before them. Now, this monopolistically competitive music market is being devastatingly demolished by a rag-tag group of mad lads bringing underground music above ground to undergrads underground. Soon to open up under Club DownUnder, Club Under Club DownUnder are industry outsiders opening their doors and trying to close the competition.
“We want to see you at ‘See You CDU,’ Brought to you by CUCDU,” said Sue C. Yu, Coordinating Director of CUCDU. “We’re very excited to bring an anachronistic arrangement of angry psychedelia and boomer bangers played by King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard and the revived corpses of Creedence Clearwater Revival. The concert industry here has become complacent without competition and we’re here to change that. Just look at this CDU poster-” she stopped to think for about 3 minutes. “I would have put the underline only under the ‘under’ under ‘down’ under ‘club’ but they put the underline under the ‘club’ over the ‘down’ and the ‘under’ under the ‘down.’ Amateurs.” After being redirected to talking about the actual event, Sue said, “It’s gonna be great. We found the key to the Creedence Clearwater Crypt among the concrete shards scattered across the confines of our newly constructed club, talk about being dealt good cards!” She handed the key to our reporter for inspection. There was an inscription on it, Sue mentioned. It read: ‘To savor the sounds of the singer of Green River again, one need only creep into the homes of the bones of the kings of swamp rock and turn the key in its lock. Be warned, however, CCR does not sleep alone, and should you hear John’s voice, you will be cursed to speak with that of Dr. Seuss.’
“They’re real pricks yeah,” said Stu MacKenzie, lead guitarist for King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard, when asked about working with CUCDU. “Their annoyingly alliterative form of special speech is both provocative and somehow hypnotic. I walked in thinking ‘man, these guys seem pretty annoying’ and walked out saying ‘what a terrible tribe of antagonistic assholes.’ Aside from their vexing verbiage, their maniac of a manager also spoiled our spectacularly sculpted setlist for their piss-poor promotion. I’m not one to say anything negative about specific venues… though what I will say is I absolutely would not recommend you go to the club above the caverns under Club Under Club Downunder.”
Club Under Club Down Under opens October 18th under Club Down Under. The club can be entered through the hole in the union beside the tree in front of the 3rd wall from the right when looking at the union from behind HCB where you can see the tree that lines up with the business building doors. A tiny troll will tiptoe to you, and present a present: a ridiculous riddle. Once answered correctly, a trapdoor will open and the tiny troll will take you down a trail to the ticket booth. Doors open at 8.