So, You Waved to Your Friend on Campus and They Didn’t See You. Here’s How to Cope:

Picture this: You’re walking on campus, headed to your next class (I know, already a bit of a stretch, but stay with me here). Oh hey, there’s your friend! You wave at them, but to your surprise, they didn’t see you. You can feel everyone else looking at you now, judging you, pitying you. Heads are turning from every direction. There are side eyes from every grass walker, stray cat, and mid-day larper. How embarrassing! Here are five steps to take the next time this unfortunate situation arises to ensure that it won’t happen again. 

Step One: Make sure they really didn’t see you. It works best to wave your hands up in the air and shout your friend’s name over and over and over and over. Make sure to yell really loudly, in case they have headphones in or they don’t have their glasses on. If this doesn’t work, proceed to Step Two. 

Step Two: Ask someone nearby if they can shout your friend’s name with you. Hey, two voices are better than one! Even better, get a whole crowd to yell! Your friend definitely won’t be embarrassed and will be glad that you put in the effort to say hi. This didn’t work? Dang, those headphones really are noise-canceling! She’s lucky one of those CDU girls hasn’t come up to her yet for a video. Move on to Step Three. 

Step Three: Call your friend and make sure to put the phone on speaker. This way, everyone will know that you’re not crazy and the person that you’re yelling at is, in fact, your friend. Maybe even announce, “I’m calling my friend!” so everyone knows, without a shadow of a doubt, that the person on the other end of that telephone call is absolutely 100% your friend. They didn’t answer? Yikes. Onto Step Four. 

Step Four: Oh shit. It’s getting embarrassing now! You better start sprinting over to your friend so you can let them know you saw them. Don’t worry, this will make for a funny story between you guys soon. Make sure to run as FAST as you can. Bonus points if you drop your backpack for extra speed. You couldn’t catch them? Damn, you’re slow. Proceed to Step Five. 

Step Five: Well, this is awkward. Your ass should probably hit the gym, but I heard the Leach isn’t accepting losers right now. There’s only one solution now. Start crying. Like straight-up bawling. There’s no coming back from this humiliation. You have to drop out of college and move states. Change your name and cut micro bangs, even. Everyone’s going to remember how you waved at your friend and how they didn’t see you. They’re going to remember it forever.