A Step-By-Step Guide To Finding The Love of Your Life on Tallahassee Tinder

With cuffing season racing towards us and the desire for love ever-growing, FSU students are turning to the most ubiquitous of college experiences – college-town Tinder. It can be difficult to navigate at first, but fear not! Your friends here at The Eggplant are here to help you meet the love of your life. Which is 100 percent what Tinder is for – don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Step 1: Picture Perfect

There are plenty of people on Tinder distracting the love of your life from finding you; that means you need to be unforgettable. Make sure your first photo is a group picture. This will not only prove that you’re capable of making friends in the Pot’s bathroom line but also give you an air of mystery. Next, be sure to include any photos of you posing with a dead animal: deer, geese, fish, or all of the above (nothing’s off the table). It’s important for everyone who gets the pleasure of viewing your profile to be able to see how outdoorsy you are (as long as your parents pay for a guide). Make sure to pair these with shirtless mirror selfies to really drive home the point that you are a strong provider!

Step 2: Casting a Wide Net

Now that you have a profile no one could swipe left on, you want to ensure you’re letting as many people swipe right on you as humanly possible. Don’t let the city limits of Tallahassee ruin your chances of true love; set your radius to 100 miles to see all of your potential stalkers lovers. After all, the larger the net, the less likely you are to catch the same fish twice. You’re on Tinder to distract yourself from your failed relationships, not to rekindle them!

Step 3: A Good Hook

Once your notifications are overflowing with matches, it’s time to really wow them with the first message. Here’s a good rule of thumb: the more unlikely you are to say it to your mother, the more likely you are to get a response from someone on a dating app. By leading with something like “I saved you a seat btw it’s my face,” your matches can tell you’re an honest person and a welcome change of pace from the rest of the Tallahassee singles. This is also a great way to filter out people who cannot handle your level of charisma, so don’t let a lack of responses get you down. And if you end up on FSU Chicks’ Tinder Tuesday, even better! You know you’re doing something right. 

Step 4: The Date

The first date makes or breaks your chances for a relationship. There’s no better way to make a good impression than to meet at Tallahassee Strip’s All-You-Can-Drink night. This is the best way to show off your knowledge of the cool, underground spots around town. Don’t worry, the chaos surrounding you from all angles is the best way to make sure there are no pesky lulls in conversation that may lead your date to reconsider the life choices that led them to this moment. 

If you execute these four easy steps perfectly, you will be guaranteed success at finding your one true love. All we ask is that an invitation be extended to us here at The Eggplant when it’s time to make the guest list for the wedding. One of us is even an ordained minister in the state of Florida if that entices you at all.