Entire Town Just Pretends They Didn’t Go Out on Halloween
In an effort to keep up the trend of disappointing President Thrasher, FSU students continue to ignore health and safety guidelines during the pandemic. Talloween was just as inevitable as our professors dropping class attendance and assignment leniency in regards this hell storm that is life right now. People were just a bit concerned about the rapidly approaching civil war and unrest in our country and were looking to spend Halloween like nothing was wrong. There was no social distancing and definitely no thoughts about public decency. Though, on Sunday, everyone seemed to have a very different Saturday night.
“Nah, I just totally chilled in my house and watched ‘The Queen’s Gambit.’ Man, that girl really did play chess and do some drugs,” explained a profusely sweating Martha Tammarac as she kicked an empty can of Bud Light Seltzer under her couch. “Nope, no parties, get-togethers, or tomfoolery here. We were like Thrasher’s poster children, honestly. We were all six feet apart and wearing masks and believing scientists or whatever Thrasher begged us to do again. We all just posed like Jojo characters six feet apart and did a little photo-editing magic. Those group photos were also totally edited by the way. We ripped all our costumes off as soon as the photos were done and never stepped foot near Pots. Who said anything about Pots? Calm down? No, you calm down!”
“I don't know, isn’t it kinda weird how everyone just assumed the virus was taking the holiday off?” wondered Joan Johnson who stayed home like a nerd according to her Republican parents. “I understand that people are more than overwhelmed and need an escape now more than ever, but why are we all just ignoring all these people not social distancing? I wanted to do nothing more than pull up to a club in my Dollar Store stockings and flimsy bunny ears. I wish I could have thrown my ass back for Daddy Scissorhands and vibed under the light of the full moon like everyone else in my FIG. I guess I’m a little quirky for not wanting to die or kill anyone by spreading this virus! There will be plenty more Halloweens to embarrass ourselves in costume, after all.”
When asked on the streets, people were still denying that they were out partying despite lines for clubs going around the block. The Instagram and Facebook posts are all just as fake as the scientists telling us politicization of the virus is killing thousands by the month. There is no need to worry about the virus because our bodies are fortresses instead of temples. We’re “built different” or whatever the kids are saying nowadays.