Massive Collegetown Fight Traced Back To Little Masa Egg Roll Dispute

We’ve all seen the video. The WWE Smackdown-style brawl happened on Madison Street on Saturday night, blocking traffic and causing chaos for a full five minutes. While it doesn’t take a lot to get testosterone-filled, drunk college men upset over something, many of us were under the impression that this massive fight was a result of some larger issue. Perhaps a stolen car, hijacked VeoRide, or unfulfilled Madso challenge card. You might be surprised, however, to learn that this fight actually stemmed from a dispute over a $1.50 egg roll from Little Masa. 

“I put in an Uber Eats pickup order for Kyle and this other douchebag tried to come and pick it up,” said Pike pledge Kyle Jones. “I was like, ‘yo, man, are you trying to take my egg roll?’ He didn’t even care that it was my egg roll, he just tried to take the bag and walk. I chased after him, of course, telling him that we could take it outside if he wanted to just eat my egg roll like that. He walked out the front door onto Madison and tried to go back to his apartment with my egg roll. So I laid his ass out. I didn’t hesitate. I don’t think it’s right for someone to just walk up and take your food like they own the place. I don’t regret anything.” 

“I had no idea I could be the cause of all this,” said innocent bystander Connor Dawson. “I didn’t take that dude’s egg roll, he mistook my dinner for his. I tried to get away from him and then suddenly, I’m unconscious on the ground in front of Vale. Twitter was a nightmare the next day. Some people seriously thought I was dead. Everyone else just thought I was a huge pussy for tapping out after the first hit. Truthfully, I never wanted to fight with anyone to begin with. I just happened to be there with my bao buns.”

If there’s anything we can learn from this, it’s that men will pick a fight whenever possible, and that it’s probably best to just not get in the middle of it. A simple egg roll confusion can erupt into a trending Twitter topic, and Tallahassee will continue to be seen as the lawless land it truly is. And for the men who stopped traffic to look cool in front of their beta male friends? Do better.