New Ways To Explain To Your Hispanic Family Members That FSU Isn’t Near Disney World

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Since COVID apparently hasn’t spread to places like Disney World and masks are notoriously known to do well on high-speed roller coasters, some may soon find themselves in a tough position regarding some distant family members. While no one understands why Disney World is to Latin folk as Noah Centineo is to a far-too-young role in a Netflix original rom-com, this phenomenon is proven true time and time again. With incoming questions about meeting family members that no one knows how they’re related to in Orlando, students must become creative when explaining that FSU is, in fact, not near Disney World. 

“I asked my sobrina how far she was from Disney World, and she told me she was like 4 hours away. I assumed she was in Miami then, but she said she wasn’t there either,” stated Jenny Castillo, a 40-year-old caterer in New Jersey. The supposed sobrina quickly denied claims of being her niece, explaining that it was complicated. “I guess she just doesn’t want to see me, because whenever I ask her to meet me and her cousins at the castle, she always says she’s hours away and busy at school. Pero, she said that same excuse last time!” While Castillo moved her hands around a bunch and the movement of her bangles interfered with the Zoom audio, all quotes here are probably correct. 

“I don’t even know how she’s related to me,” started Karina Vasquez, local FSU student. “My family keeps telling my mom that they want to come and check up on me and my ‘little friends’ at college, but I know they just want to wear white jeans and post a picture with Goofy.” While this may be the case, their prayers remain unanswered. “Something I’ve been trying recently is telling them that FSU is actually in Georgia. When I say that, they suddenly lose interest in coming to see me. It’s really a win-win.” 

Overall, the truly Hispanic desire of waiting in 4-hour lines for “It’s a Small World” remains unfulfilled. Despite their best efforts to ask whatever family member they know in Florida if they can stay with them for the weekend, aunts and uncles everywhere will be forced to get a hotel when contracting diseases in Central Florida. Some Floridians have given in and said they could give relatives a ride from the airport, but little did they know said relatives booked a flight to Miami International Airport, assuming it was a short ride from Mickey’s homeland.

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