College Republicans to Throw ‘White Thrash Wednesday’ Inauguration Party

This afternoon, now ex- senator John Thrasher was officially named the new president of Florida State University. Despite fervent disapproval from the majority of teachers and students, the College Republicans are about it, and will be throwing a “White Thrash Wednesday” party tomorrow night to celebrate the university’s new overlord. Dress code for the party will be “conservative casual” and the event will take place at the president’s house off of Tennessee Street. “What we’re really celebrating is both the Thrash man and his aggressive whiteness, which guides and inspires us all,” said College Republican ringleader Richard Donahue. “I’m not saying that we CR’s are white supremacists. But every person attending this party will definitely be white and I’d say that’s pretty supreme.”

The party will feature no musical guest, as all potential candidates have already had most of their funding cut; but there will be dubstep remixes of Rick Scott’s campaign ads blasting.  Also, rumor has it that Thrasher himself will be bartending the event, but will only be serving PBR’s and his specialty drink -“the Jack and Koch Brothers”

Unfortunately for White Thrash Wednesday goers, the party is expected to be met with protest and will likely be picketed by opposing students and teachers. “Not to worry though,” said Thrasher as he carefully selected a neon “turn down for what” tie for the occasion. “I’ve got security ready to kick out anyone who actually cares about the well-being of this university.”