Student Still Struggling to Build Up Tolerance for His Beer Tasting Class Final

Final exams have made this last week of school hectic for many, especially for Cal Brennan, a student who is desperate to pass his beer tasting class. While many students fight to get one last cram session in, Brennan sits alone in a study room, fighting the urge not to throw up the three sips of Yeungling he’s already had. “I don’t even know why I signed up for this class,” says Brennan, who admits that he thinks Shocktop is a sexual act, in which you are shocked when someone wants to get on top of you. “I was just trying to get an easy ‘A’ and also impress my dad but now I have to memorize what Blue Moon tastes like and be able to tell the difference between Natty Light and watered down urine. It’s impossible.”

Brennan woke up at 8 a.m. this morning in order to review lagers before slipping off to take his Spanish final. Once he arrived however, he was asked to leave because others students were complaining that he smelled like Burt Reynolds.

Brennan caused even more controversy last night when he reserved a study room in Strozier as a quiet place to get drunk and acquire a taste for IPAs. “Doesn’t he realize that some of us in this school have real work to do?” said Courtney Clemons, an Interior Design major. “I mean, he hasn’t even used the whiteboard once.”