Student Finds Out Everyone with a Summer Internship Really Just Hanging Out in McDonald's Ball Pit

With the end of the school year quickly approaching, Florida State student Tom Harris was feeling stressed out about finding a summer internship. Harris had sent out over fifty applications to various companies, and was mentally preparing himself for another summer of working at the movie theatre and desperately clinging to his youth by chugging Busch Lights with his high school buddies. However, when talking to one of his friends who had recently gotten an internship, Harris discovered a secret that left him feeling confused, relieved, and slightly aroused. “Turns out that no summer internship is real, and everyone who claims to have one is just sitting in a ball pit at their local McDonald’s, dressed in business casual,” said Harris, texting his parents to tell them about his new career opportunity. “And everyone’s pain-in-the-ass boss is just a toddler in a ‘Cars’ shirt who cries when he doesn’t get to hold a yellow ball.”

Harris says that he always had his suspicions about summer internships. “I knew there was no way that my friend Jack from College Algebra, who thought the Pythagorean Theorem was a conspiracy film about 9/11, had gotten an internship with an insurance company. It all makes sense now.”

Harris’ parents say that they’re extremely happy for their son and can’t wait to see what he accomplishes. “I just want him to be happy,” said Harris’ dad. “And to stop ordering those McCafe frozen coffee drinks like some kind of pussy.”