Boston College Devastated After Pope Reveals He’s Rooting For FSU

Boston College started this week with a chip on their shoulder leading up to Friday’s game against Florida State, knowing that win or lose, the Jesuit college would still have the head of the Catholic Church on their side. Unfortunately for them, Pope Francis announced this morning that while he does believe in climate change, he does not believe in the Eagles’ ability to beat Florida State. “Alright first off, I don’t have to like those guys just because I’m the first Jesuit pope,” said Pope Francis, blasting the FSU fight song from the pope-mobile. “I’d be a little conflicted if FSU were playing an actual Catholic university like Notre Dame, because that’s who the guys back home like. But ever since Golson transferred, I’ve been all about the Seminoles. I even put a little gold dye in the blood of Christ at mass last Sunday to get everyone pumped for the game!!”

“As a devout Catholic and Francis superfan, I feel betrayed,” remarked Boston College head coach Steve Addazio. “Especially after we begged FSU to move the game to Friday instead of Saturday due to a Skype blessing the pope promised us months ago, and he just called to cancel on us for John Thrasher - a fucking Presbyterian!”

Florida State is flattered by the Pope’s support, but isn’t quite sure what implications it will bring. “He definitely seems like a cool guy, and he even told me not to worry about all of the team’s sins because they’re ‘totally forgiven,’ but I feel kinda uneasy about it still,” said Coach Jimbo Fisher, whose consistent decision to not start Sean Mcguire hadn’t ever bothered him until now. “That Catholic guilt thing is no joke.”