Student Finds $20 Bill Outside Psych Building, Unsure if in Experiment

Donnatella Moss is a senior at Florida State, and, like all students who have an exploratory major for too long, she is a Psychology major. For some time she has vlogged about unconfirmed conspiracies involving the Psychology department, but now claims she has proof. This morning, she reported an uncomfortable incident that occurred earlier in the day. “I was just leaving my Intro to Brain and Behavior class,” said Moss as she rapidly glanced side-to-side and fidgeted with her wallet behind her back. “There it was, on the ground; a twenty dollar bill. As I dove to pick it up, I suddenly realized I might be in an experiment. What if after I grabbed the cash, someone in a labcoat ran over and told me that it was fake, that I was literally the worst person on Earth and that everyone knew I shit my pants at the theater while watching The Revenant?”

“The Psychology department would literally never run an experiment where students are aggressively chastised if they participate,” said department chair Franz Fritzen as he beckoned Ms. Moss to come sit on one of the many therapist couches scattered throughout the building. “I am more worried about why you are so paranoid though, Ms. Moss. Did your mother prank you often as a child? Here, this ink blot: does it look like a bear mauling Leonardo Dicaprio?”

“Oh, he’s so full of shit,” said moody grad student Kyle Ren upon hearing Dr. Fritzen’s statement. “Fritzen is just being coy. The whole experiment is actually to see how students react to thinking they are in an experiment. He’s the head researcher. If you see a $20 bill on the ground in the Psych building and think that it may all be some complex prank, you are correct. Don’t take the bait, and prepare yourself for the scary scenes in The Revenant.”