Report: Leap Day Just As Terrible As Every Other Day

Every four years, the world is given an extra day to go about their average lives. While a handful of unlucky twenty year olds are looking forward to celebrating their fifth birthday, the rest of the world is ready to go about leap day as just another awful day as a human being on a rotting rock spinning through space. Ragans Hall RAs are attempting to hide the mediocrity of the kinda-sorta holiday by playing the equally mediocre movie “Leap Year.” However, students are not fooled by this half-assed celebration. “I was hype at first because it sounded exciting, but then I realized I had two tests and my dad is still disappointed that I’m not a STEM major,” said Ragans resident Kate Robinson as tears blurred the ink in her planner where she had crossed off the 29th. “Leap Day is really a double edged sword. On the one hand, it sucks because it’s one more day before spring break, but on the other hand it’s one more day between me and the trip back home to disappoint my family.”

Sophomore Chance Graft is among the lucky students celebrating his fifth birthday today and still is not impressed with the day. “Usually I just celebrate on the 28th and it’s fine, so the build up of actually getting to celebrate my birthday means it’s always a letdown. It all ends the same way anyway. I black out and then take a nude lap around Landis Green.”

The general consensus is that Leap Day, as well as life, is meaningless. February is the shortest month for a reason: Valentine’s Day sucks, Leap Day is dumb and Florida State doesn’t even cancel classes for President’s Day. Moral of the story- everyone is miserable and Trump has like a 90% chance of being the Republican presidential nominee.