TALLAHASSEE -- FSU Senior Rachel Downing has been hunting for a summer internship for a few months now. After failing an Introduction to Poetry class last semester, Downing kicked their search into high gear with graduation in sight.
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Moments before the commencement of Statistical Neuroscience 4233, FSU sophomore Anthony Sinclair struggled to unlock his iPhone with his fingerprint, as his palms were covered in cold sweat.
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With students returning to campus after spring break, many landlords are being called in to remove dead lizard colonies and bricks of black mold that accumulated at the same rate as liver disease.
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As spring break comes to an end and grocery stores everywhere begin restocking Pedialyte for actual children to drink, friends have begun to brace for the inevitable verbal brag-fest from their most annoying friend. One of these individuals is Hunter Stills, who after spending the week on the Planet X15-Z, has not been able to talk about anything else.
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Sophomores Tyler Burrows and Jessica Cassel, or as they beg their friends to call them, Tessica, shocked friends and family on Wednesday afternoon with a public display of affection that would make that couple from The Notebook barter for reincarnation just so they could die again.
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While some swear they’ve seen professors outside the classroom, others are well aware this myth has been debunked time and time again. Hardworking freshman and exploratory major, Deanna Jefferson, confirmed the truth of professors having no life outside of academia when she pulled an all-nighter in Stroz to study for her 5 question reading quiz in Intro to Ballet.
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It all started during my last semester at FSU as an English major. I had just left a lecture on how memes are the future when I passed the College of Business.
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She had plans to light 14 candles around her bath, pour herself a big girl glass of Franzia and read Rupi Kaur until she couldn’t remember her ex’s name.
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After a full month of uninterrupted exposure to rose bouquets and heart-shaped balloons at every corner, sophomore Dart Gilliam still somehow managed to forget the wondrous holiday invented to make even the most loveable people feel worthless.
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After years of admiring her friend’s meaningful Bible quote across her ribcage and the slightly less meaningful “DO NOT ENTER” inked across her buttcheeks, sophomore Madison Silverman decided to disappoint her parents for real this time and finally get the tattoo she has always wanted.
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Each morning as the sun rises, journalists eager to have their turn at doing God’s work type up articles condemning the atrocities being propagated by President Steve Ban- we mean, Donald Trump.
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No one expected Supreme Court nominee Neil Gorsuch to strangle the life out of a man with his bare hands outside the Blue Man Group concert last week. No one, that is, except the cursed Bob Marley flag I bought freshman year at Market Wednesday.
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After wasting multiple semesters’ financial aid refunds on penis enlargement pills and hand-shrinking potions, local disappointment and all-around shitstain Joseph Foster finally has something that is truly “too big to fit.”
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As one student was rear-ended in the parking lot by some guy who thinks he’s Mario frickin’ Andretti, Publix shoppers on Tuesday simultaneously dropped their BOGO Bagel Thins out of horror at an even more disturbing scene inside.
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As Facebook, Instagram and Twitter flooded with ‘Obligatory First Day Photo :P’ posts on Monday, students all across campus were slow in returning to their regularly scheduled programming after a nice, relaxing Winter Break, not including that awkward encounter with your new step-dad.
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Tallahassee weather is notoriously fickle, but is always warmer than states like Connecticut or Canada, because of geography or whatever hoax the Chinese have cooked up this week.
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The week after Thanksgiving is always filled with leftover turkey sandwiches, tears from tasting real food after a semester of eating ass for three months straight and fear of upcoming final exams.
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College is one of the best opportunities for adolescents to discover and build their identity as budding young adults. Since enrolling in Intro to Philosophy, however, first year student Freddy Neetz has completely rejected this notion in favor of reaching what he considers “enlightenment through a disconnection of the self, duuuuuuude.”
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There’s nothing quite like the early morning walk to class. Whether or not the day will be enjoyable is all shaped by the walk; the weather, the degree and amount of uphill walking, and most importantly, what song will be blasting outside of the on-campus Denny’s. There isn’t anyone who knows or appreciates the importance of this more than Denny’s DJ, Jace Kason.
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A group of concerned and loyal friends gathered to confront their peer about a behavioral pattern that they deemed a sheer act of delusion and “totes a waste of time.”
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