Study Finds 5th Floor of Strozier Best Place to Masturbate on Campus

A recent poll of 1,000 undergraduate students revealed that the 5th floor of Strozier library is the best place to masturbate on all of the FSU campus.

“I like doing it on the fifth floor because that’s where all the Jane Austen books are.” said sophomore Colby Thomas, who asked to be quoted anonymously.

The fifth floor of Strozier received thirty four percent of the vote narrowly beating out the food court in the student union which received thirty three percent. Masturbating at FSU women’s basketball games also seemed to be popular, receiving twenty one percent of the vote. The results of the poll comes as a surprise to the many who assumed that the fountain on Landis Green was the only appropriate place to masturbate.

In a response to the poll, President Eric Baron said “I am very proud that FSU students choose to masturbate at the library over any place on campus. It is yet another example of the academic integrity of our students.”

Between the scenic view and the limited interruptions, the action on the 5th floor of Strozier shows no sign of slowing down. “I’ve done it all over campus” Colby said, “but there’s something special about that fifth floor that brings us all back.”