Ex-FSU A Capella Star Shocked to Discover Her Talents Don’t Translate to the Real World

As do most Accapelliacs,  Ally Wiley  immediately moved to New York City to become a star after graduating from FSU with what she calls “an irrelevant” degree in nursing. She left for the Big Apple in the same way she sings- on a high note. But after spotting and questioning her at a recent A Capella event on campus, it turns out life in the Big Apple isn’t as pitch perfect as she’d expected.

Probably the biggest problem facing the modern Accapelliac is his or her lack of actual song writing ability, which is hard to come across when your resume as a performer consists almost entirely of Bruno Mars covers and one retweet by Katy Perry. After sampling the bitter taste of defeat, Wiley decided to try out for the sinking ship that is American Idol as a last resort. Wiley’s audition went well at first but she was ultimately rejected after begging former judge Randy Jackson to beat box during a cover of Macklemore’s “Same Love” to which Jackson replied “you must be smoking some aca-crack if you think I’m gonna help you out here, dawg.”

Apparently, living in New York is almost nothing like Rent and when you attempt to start an impromptu rendition of Lorde’s “Royals” on a Subway people just roll their eyes and return to their respective games of Candy Crush. “New York is Aca-INSANE,” sings Wiley in perfect harmony with a few other ex-A Capella members who have also returned to FSU for the show claiming they “just didn’t have anything better to do with their lives now.” Wiley was ultimately forced to move back to Tallahassee with nothing to show for her time in New York but a few pictures on Broadway, an overpriced knock-off Prada bag from Canal street, and a case of bedbugs. If you are interested in supporting her career, you can find Ally all her ex A Capella friends every Thursday evening at Bird’s Oyster Shack for karaoke night.