Student’s Self Esteem Drops a Little More Each Day as Rush Week Progresses

As any sorority member or potential member will tell you, Panhellenic recruitment is no joke. And nobody is laughing less than current Rush-ee Lilly McBride. Despite her completely sorority relevant name, Lilly has done little but discreetly cry into her clear plastic bag all week. A sophomore at The Florida State University and a legacy of that good sorority with the triangles and shit, Lilly decided to participate in order to finally shut up her parents for good. “I went into this thing just wanting to get it over with,” said Lilly as she finally found a moment to hang her Joy Division poster in her apartment.  “I’m not a sorority girl at all, but my parents never accepted it. So I thought I could rush, get no bids and then be free to continue spending my nights binge watching Twin Peaks and blogging about tattoos I’ll probably never get.”

To her own dismay, after five full days of sorority immersion, Lilly has found herself questioning everything she once knew about herself. “Maybe I was named Lilly for a reason. Maybe my name isn’t the spiritual connection to Lily Allen I’ve always assumed, but instead a sign that I should be wearing way less plaid and far more Lilly Pulitzer.  I’ve never felt more confused,” said Lilly as she aggressively straightened her hair and created a Pinterest account. “What the fuck is even going on with my eyebrows right now!? And why don’t I own more pastel?! No wonder they were so bitchy to me at that house Ted Bundy murdered girls in.”

Despite the personal turmoil it’s clearly taken on her, Lilly refuses to quit. “I might not know who I am anymore, but I’m sure whatever sorority I’m placed in will totally tell me.”