Political Science Major Alienates Friends After Admitting House of Cards is Kinda Boring
After receiving zero messages in a normally active group text for nearly 48 hours, Political Science Major Maggie Jordan knew something must be up. She paced around her apartment for a few minutes when it hit her- the silence must be due to a tweet she made a few days ago while all her friends were relentlessly posting all over social media about binge watching the third season of House of Cards. At approximately 4:23 PM on Friday, Maggie tweeted “#unpopularopinion but I feel like House of Cards is honestly sort of boring and a lot of people who like it are just trying to seem smart,” and immediately lost 10 followers, all of whom she thought were the sort of friends that could one day be godparents to her unborn, un-conceived child she has an entire Pinterest album dedicated to. “I think it’s a decent show but it’s not nearly as exciting as everybody acts like it is,” said Maggie while taking a selife with a Moe's burrito on her Android phone to post on her Google Plus page. “I guess I’m just not into the same stuff as most people.”
“I mean yeah, me and Maggie have been friends since she was the standing number one on my Myspace top friends for all of middle school, but sometimes people disappoint you and you have to cut them loose,” remarked Maggie’s former best friend Joan Callamezzo while googling quinoa recipes. “If Frank and Claire Underwood have taught me anything, it’s that.”
“The only real positive that’s come out of this is that it’s really shown me who my true friends are. And you know what? Now that I’ve got nothing left to lose I might as well get a few things off my chest.” Shouted Maggie in a cathartic outpour in the middle of Landis Green. “Alright you pretentious dicks really want to know how I feel?! Well here it is: I don’t get the Nutella Hype, it’s just fucking melted chocolate! And “Shake it Off,” is a catchy song, but I reject Taylor Swift’s pop rebranding. I thought Boyhood was an hour and a half too long and Ryan Gosling is just okay looking. I really don’t know what ISIS is and at this point I’m too afraid to ask. I thought the dress was ugly and I don’t give a fuck what color it was. Jennifer Lawrence is a decent actress but I don’t find her quirkiness charming nor do I identify with her as a person. I don't care about FSU football and I was actually happy when we lost so people would finally shut up about it. And one more thing- KALE IS FUCKING DISGUSTING and everybody who says otherwise is trying too hard. Oh god, that felt great.”