FSU President Barron Sick of Dealing with Sex Scandals, Leaves for Penn State

Florida State University announced today that President Eric Barron will leave the university after four years of holding the prestigious office. “The pressure of dealing with the Jameis Winston scandal was too much for me” former President Barron says. ”So I decided to go to a place where something like that would never happen, a place with an unblemished history of moral superiority, Penn State.”

President Barron’s departure from FSU comes as a surprise to many and what he brought to this university will never be forgotten. Before President Barron took office there were no Chic-Fil-A’s within a mile of campus, now there are two. Also before Barron was president the poor football team only had three full size fields and an 80,000 seat stadium to practice in, but now, thanks to Barron’s hard work and leadership, they also have an indoor practice facility the size of an aircraft hangar.

In a final address to students and faculty Barron said “I used to love this university, but having to deal with sex scandals and cover ups really made me reevaluate my priorities. I had to go to a university where moral responsibility always comes before football.” He also added “Wait, if you guys knew anything bad about Penn State you would tell me, right?”

FSU students are taking the loss of President Barron especially hard. When asked what they will miss most about the former president, students responded with such heartfelt comments as “Who?” and “Why does a university need a president?”